Tortured Minds.

Poem by-Gods Gift

A lost cause that never finds
Troubled dreams and faded lines
Forever drowning and cursed to be
Losing touch and touch to see

Tortured mind and hugered soul
Loss of love; burnt out coal
Tears of acid running dry
Reality fading as I cry

Hollow screams echo here
Smell of twisted dying fear
Smile of chaos; burning blood
Lies of misery; sound of mud

False hope and blinding pain
Courage hiding and bleeding rain
Sighs of passion and thirst of life
Blurry visions an angry knife

Imprisoned happiness locked up tight
Lost the key end of sight
Whispering voices; a trembling sound
Fading faces that cannot be found


Decieving friends; Family of solitude
Creating a world of low altitude
Lingering worry and Deafeaning silence
Bouded hurt; Scars of violence

Brain of madness; feelings of war
Captured imagination becoming soar
Moving images captivating danger
Alluring time; reflecting a stranger

Cruel sincerity a broken sighn
Fantasy legend; wisdom of mine
Painless markings; horrific disasters
Terrifying loyalty; heart broken masters

Nice peice,

THe wordplay was good and the flow was aiight which is goood to do. I wouldnt say the is HoF worthy like you told me, but shit keep working and who knows what will happen. The story was nice, probaly best part of the poem. 9-10 And keep writing me instead of pming me :mad:

Uppinn For Feed.

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Originally Posted by Gods Gift

Uppinn For Feed.

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Come on people.

To my own surprise, I enjoyed this piece, not for being a flawlessly amazing poem because by no means was it that, but for the sheer potential that I saw in you and your writting. The majority of your content just rolled off the tongue because of the fluency in your wording rather than simply that of your rhyme scheme. There were a lot of settup for metaphor that were just shy of meeting their full potential, but even so they were still creative and interesting to read. You definately strike me as one of those writers who will quickly progress and grow a lot within the next couple months to be a very strong and well respected writer... if you keep writing consistantly that is.

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Originally Posted by Myself

To my own surprise, I enjoyed this piece, not for being a flawlessly amazing poem because by no means was it that, but for the sheer potential that I saw in you and your writting. The majority of your content just rolled off the tongue because of the fluency in your wording rather than simply that of your rhyme scheme. There were a lot of settup for metaphor that were just shy of meeting their full potential, but even so they were still creative and interesting to read. You definately strike me as one of those writers who will quickly progress and grow a lot within the next couple months to be a very strong and well respected writer... if you keep writing consistantly that is.

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Thank you for the feed and I will Keep writin.

I liked everything about this piece, whether it was from the format of it or to the flow of the words. It was setup in a manner where it was easily read and easily followed. The flow was incredible and made it a very good read. Keep it up.

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Originally Posted by imaginetheimage

I liked everything about this piece, whether it was from the format of it or to the flow of the words. It was setup in a manner where it was easily read and easily followed. The flow was incredible and made it a very good read. Keep it up.

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Thanks uppinn for more feed.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Gods Gift

Thanks uppinn for more feed.

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Uppinn Again.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Gods Gift

Uppinn Again.

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A hall of fame piece bein slept on.

Tortured mind and hugered soul
Loss of love; burnt out coal
Tears of acid running dry
Reality fading as I cry

Hollow screams echo here
Smell of twisted dying fear
Smile of chaos; burning blood
Lies of misery; sound of mud

False hope and blinding pain
Courage hiding and bleeding rain
Sighs of passion and thirst of life
Blurry visions an angry knife

Imprisoned happiness locked up tight
Lost the key end of sight
Whispering voices; a trembling sound
Fading faces that cannot be found


Decieving friends; Family of solitude
Creating a world of low altitude
Lingering worry and Deafeaning silence
Bouded hurt; Scars of violence
^^
the concept was kindda played cus it was done before but you approached it diffrentley in some ways and you wrote to it nicely in vocab and your flow and word content was nicely used and stretched out for variety in quality rather than quantity..i dont see it as a hall of fame piece though i do see you 3 writings later maybe so...so keep writing

RTF on any poem link in my sig

Ok thanks uppinn for more feed.