Sences.

Life is plum, But not ready for the next beath.
Fingers are numb, But have the Feel of a black death.
Cold smoking metal, that once held 24 hollow heads.
That my killer left in my hand, illusion of suicide in my marrage bed.

http://www.coolgunsite.com/funcheck/thumbsafety.jpg

Likley to see the next morning, not doubting a thing.
Awake to my mothers smell, and her voice when she sings.
Hear the wind chime as it goes through my ears.
And listen to life being borne, At that moment you have bottled tears.
But i dont need any of that to get my head clear.
I just put my head phones on, and listen away all my fears.

http://blogs.usatoday.com/photos/unc...headphones.jpg

Walk down the road, taking a breath after a breath.
Turn and look between buildings, and See life after death.
There are eyes everywere, so your being watched by the minute.
The man was noticed by all, memorized by the time he was finished.
Police search and searched and found this man, but this deceived there eyes.
He had killed himself during the hunt down, next the body of his wife.

http://faculty.cua.edu/johnsong/hitc...dream-eyes.jpg

Taste my morning breakfast, everyday before school.
Mother was there to eat with me, food was warm, water was cool.
I was then learning when my teacher pulled up beside me.
She whispered something about my mom, all i could hear was dying.
Then cried histerically, qeustions being blured out by my classmates.
Rushed to the hospital, looked at her face but i was a minute too late.
Now i still remember her cooking every morning, i know she still roams.
But i taste tears on and on, as i eat alone.

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/image...333_man203.jpg

Amazing grase, play it and pray every day, to God i deliver it.
I then Smell the way of blowing wind, leaves following after it.
Fresh cut grass, and laughter all around, kids jumping rope for fun.
Sitting and watching them outside, nose over my coffee mug.
Then a women comes outside, weakens all my powers.
As beutiful as any model, as she watered and smeeled her flowers.

http://health.yahoo.co.jp/images/top...0511/smell.jpg

up.

up.

this was unique though your rhyme scheme was basic and was portray of like somewhat OM..but this was nice emotion and the sense of writing and choice of wording along with assets of vocab were nicely doen and put together with great and enjoyable read my dude. i liked how you bold'd the words in definition and add'd pics to your piece nice man.

Life is plum, But not ready for the next beath.
Fingers are numb, But have the Feel of a black death.
Cold smoking metal, that once held 24 hollow heads.
That my killer left in my hand, illusion of suicide in my marrage bed.
^^
this right here is nicely doen and caught my eye so should it to all other readers.
well done

Likley to see the next morning, not doubting a thing.
Awake to my mothers smell, and her voice when she sings.
Hear the wind chime as it goes through my ears.
And listen to life being borne, At that moment you have bottled tears.
But i dont need any of that to get my head clear.
I just put my head phones on, and listen away all my fears.
^^
this was my 2nd FAV. passage to read it went well and dwelled nicely in emotion


Amazing grase, play it and pray every day, to God i deliver it.
I then Smell the way of blowing wind, leaves following after it.
Fresh cut grass, and laughter all around, kids jumping rope for fun.
Sitting and watching them outside, nose over my coffee mug.
Then a women comes outside, weakens all my powers.
As beutiful as any model, as she watered and smeeled her flowers.
^^
my FAV. passage through your WHOLE verse my dude it was in its comfort zone in emotion and vocab and wording my dude
WELL DONE!


RTF on tequiero.

thanks man

This was fresh i myself have note seen the topic of senses being carried out in such a way each verse had the one sense bolded and each verse showed effor coated in simplicity which disguised the intricacy of eace line. Impresseive, i wasn't blowwn back like "WOW" but i was quietly impressed. Not as much by the content but by the idea. Someting like the 7 sins wich i may soon eb doing. A good piece though some lines seemed awkard especialyly the as beatiful as a model one, it just seemed out of place i mean with all that nice flowing that line stuck out like a sore thumb...other than that, i liked this piece..also the babies withe headphones on looked amusing..so yeah stay up^

lol, thanks man...

up.

i really felt this...not many things wrong here at all...the rhyming was really nice and didnt fall...i was feelin the pics you used..and it had some lines and wasent played a bit...sorry bout the short feed but i usally dont leave feed on poems good drop man..

thanks, upin.