Blue Ridge Mountains of Troy.

Blue Ridge Mountains Of Troy

Inspiration teases humanities desire,
Light beams dissolve into shadow,
A light breeze slips into my pocket.

Fishing in my own frustration,
I cut deep into a violet sky,
Carving life into a distant vendetta,
Kissing the moon with silent speech,
Desperado to my own private harmony…

Fallen crystals dilute my sight,
Mother Mary sits and talks,
Into the wind she breathes love.

Rolling off my tongue is speech disregarded,
A silhouette of a dove in flight,
Wings of wood chip golden brown,
Poison ivy wraps around my hearts eye.

Droplets of life forced to suicide,
Clear bold lettering, spelling out,
‘Victory’ sinks within a ships sails,
Only for a child of God to roar from voice…

TROY SHALL FALL!
TROY SHALL FALL!
TROY SHALL FALL!

…The blood of man stained the white shawls of the watch angels.

So like errm yeah. Feed.

Interesting piece. I've definetely seen better, but this really appealed to me..it started off well:

Inspiration teases humanities desire

perfectly worded in my opinion. I saw a lot of metaphors attempted, and they seemed to coincide with the piece very well. As in all of your pieces, the imagery in this was exceptional.

Poison ivy wraps around my hearts eye.
For some reason that was very appealing to me, was nice..
You didn't load it with amazing vocabulary, but the words made the piece what it is..

I'm not very good at leaving feed, especially for something that I can't really point out many mistakes, so If you don't hit this I understand:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=304356

Thanks, and yeah, i'll hit your link up later dude.

Upping.

liked it a lot. I'll edit this with feed when I'm less lazy

Cool.

Well, i'd still like some extensive feedback if possible, Especially from people that in the past i have given more than their fair share of feed :)

...Thanks.

Poeta

I really felt the topic was met in this piece. Nice steady flow and wording throughout. The opening 3 lines were wording very nicely and nice metaphors throughout. Like Wireless said, the poinson ivy around my hearts eye line was nice as well, but I didn't feel it really went with the rest, it was nice still though. You have an excellent diction and way of wording things, it shows nicely in this piece. You couldn't have really done much else with the topic....except maybe lengthened it a bit, but nice read nonetheless. great work...I hope to see more soon...and hit up my poem, Good Night!

Hmm..

Not the best feeder but...

I thought this had some out standing emotions. I read, and add on to the picture you were painting. Your vocabulary was on point, and it discribed every bit we needed to know about the vision.

TROY SHALL FALL!
TROY SHALL FALL!
TROY SHALL FALL!

^ As far as that goes, I can see a man, knowing he is donefor, standing for a reason, screaming his last words to his commitment. Nicely written.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jonathon

Hmm..

Not the best feeder but...

I thought this had some out standing emotions. I read, and add on to the picture you were painting. Your vocabulary was on point, and it discribed every bit we needed to know about the vision.

TROY SHALL FALL!
TROY SHALL FALL!
TROY SHALL FALL!

^ As far as that goes, I can see a man, knowing he is donefor, standing for a reason, screaming his last words to his commitment. Nicely written.

---

That fall of troy part, i was worried about it as i didn't think people would see that in the way that i said it, but you got it perfectly. That is my exact meaning. Thanks dude.

well well well back to owning the poetic scriptures thread again aren't we?!...nicely and greatly done my dude if someone said this was above average there stupid this was WAY WAY above average like a few steps away from perfection man...nice wordings and vocab was in depth and the way your wrote your verse in feel of emotion and mazes of thought having to be put together man was nice...you made me read this 3 times just cus I loved it man.

Inspiration teases humanities desire,
Light beams dissolve into shadow,
A light breeze slips into my pocket.

Fishing in my own frustration,
I cut deep into a violet sky,
Carving life into a distant vendetta,
Kissing the moon with silent speech,
Desperado to my own private harmony…
^^
loved this piece very well done

i liked how you put alot of visuals and feelings into your sentences.