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Touched By An Angel
Touched By An Angel
A feeling one of a kind, warmth running down my spine
Sense of lotion rubbing my face, cherry saliva on my lips
Goosebumps raise the skin off my chest, a feeling so divine
My thighs quiver, hairs do back flips rotating through my hips
Touched by an angel, bringing life to my lines
Her touch ceases commotion, as peaceful as chimes
Her presence pauses time, as I’m lost in my mind
While her breath brings life to my decaying enzymes
A sea breeze rushes through my hair, leaving me breathing Arctic air
While my blood is cleansed thoroughly as my heart is messaged
Her stare guides me through despair, lighting my path with a flare
Knowing is not knowing, spiritually she’s there, visually a mirage
Touched by an angel, a feeling so unique
Causing butterflies as she caresses my physique
Her technique leaves me weak, ceasing the minute
Her stroke causes sensations, impossible to mimic
She endures my pain, soaks in my blood no matter the stain
Fights my demons, removes the sand paper blocking my soul
Gets lost in the cyclones, suffers from the hale, bathes in the rain
Never received her doctorate degree, without words she consoles
Touched by an angel, a superhuman climax
A breathtaking joy, not to be visualized at imax
She’s godlike, so humble, gathers me when I crumble
Sacrifices herself to be the crutch when I stumble
I know you’re there when the devil glares
Carrying me as the world mocks and stares
I feel you as the wind rushes through my hair
And I felt your heartbreak when I had that affair
http://images.gfxartist.com/images/A...age/106683.jpg
I’m sorry
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WEll this was quite good. The language was simplicit though this was a positive at times whilst it became predictable at others. This whole om would have bcome bland had it not been for the description...the description was very good, i likde the adjectives/adverbs as they gave the reader more substance to grasp onto and explained each line and verse more. Your flow though was at times very patchy and kind of made parts awkard. I liked the ending...quite different from what i expected it to be but different in a positive way...Overall, a good light read, just wokr on imagery and try using a more narrative approach. Other than that this was a good piece
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=305352
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Yea thanks, it was more of a poem but they never get an feed so I posted it in here :/
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very nice....not alot wrong with this...
as i know dope peices when i see them...but yet cant write them...
i find this kinda simple but very creative...as i dont see this done very much..
nice imganery for this as it worked out very well...and had me very intrested...
i loved the flow....it was very steady...and i didnt see it fall at any time...
multies couldve used some work but they were there....which is a very good thing..
not hof i can say that but almost there with some elevation...which i can see you will..
you are one of the more better writers on RB that i hope i can one day write like...
please try to hit up my new piece....thanks if u do..
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wow, it was pretty good. i liked the vibe most of all. you could feel something was wrong the entire piece, but not quite as well as you'd like. the audience just couldn't pinpoint the source of the pain or the reasoning. then you ended it ..and it all came together in a flash, and the remainder of the shit you didn't get now made sense. i like how you write. it's a unique style and individual. more of a poetry style, but it's still got the rhyme and flow for a open mic. a couple flaws like the usage of some words that i didn't like. "While her breath brings life to my decaying enzymes" < this was kind've like ..wtf? you wrote so beautifully, but caught up trying to use bigger words to describe the main points of your storyline. i think those small parts like this could've been written with a more eccentric description. overall though, i liked the individuality of the piece.
- Nash
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Thank you, yea I fuck up the wording on that one part, I ment it to mean something different then they way it looks like its intended but thanks for the feed.
uppin for more.
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Holla at me if you trying to collab Cry :o
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Cool peice here...although this concept and topic is a bit played but there aren't any as good as this one was used great shit here imagery was good man for some reason I was paying more attention to the red font more and it was pretty good I think you dropped a well thought out peice and creativity was also included here...needs better wording in pasrts but thats all you had few multies and a very abstintive rate of vocab here...keep up the writing...just get better words and try not to use the same word more than twice in the peice.
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