Melting Clocks

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/atta...achmentid=1299
.. Time Is
Slipping ..

The cause screams for water, but i
only drink shrapnel. My third eye
blinded not from light, but from
the tint. Im taking Occum's Razor
and slitting my wrist with it. I
shove my lost faith in the one
melting chronometer. A state
of mind where the citizens died
from the plague locusts, and
the Angel of Death crossing
over the doors that I didn't
paint red. I'm counting four
headed ligers with a broken
abacus humming my eulogy.
When I reach the cross-roads
I'll just sit in the middle and
suggest your future. You can
peddle your trycicle through
my forest of lost logistics so
long as you don't break the
porcelain determination. (It
was badly crafted). I'm racing
cadavers in those moral
storybook races searching
For the one dagger thats
etched into valor. My tears
are death's anmiotic and my
despair is the fetus.


Let me find the one destiny that doesnt feed......

This was a very good read. I really favored your structure it looks good and made it easy to read. The high-quality vocabulary that was used brought out some great imagery. Those 2 things make poems what they are. And you didn't clog it with complex vocab either, there were inners which helped keep the piece going.

My fav. line was .... well I guess it's two lines..
"I"m taking Arkum's Razor
and slitting my wrist with it."

^ That was good stuff man.

Thanks for the good read and if you get bored just take a peek at the poem in my sig. It's up to you man do what ever. Peace.

- Whitey.

Yes must agree structure was a key point and it looked good and was easy for me to read and follow..Now you have an uncanny way of distributing poetry and i must say i love it..the work you put into this payed off...the raw emotion and the slipping of time great features of life place in this...keep it up...

Ill hit yours soon WhiteOut

thanks to both

if you get the chance to read one of my pieces please....thanks in advance..

i'll hit both up now...

blink