Facial Suicide

Facial Suicide

http://digitalart.org/artwork.jpeg.php?ID=50016

Plastic surgery...many today use it...while many also abuse it,
A little face lift or botox..to look different..many can't refuse it,
The only problem is the mishaps...the wrong cuts...the mistakes,
To take a face...change it or perform to remake it....it's still fake,

A guy looks in a mirror...handsome...but he could look a bit better,
He takes a shower...gets out...dries off...and puts on his sweater,
He looks to the mirror.....he thinks his nose could be a bit smaller,
That one glance.....then he called her.....the facial death doctor,
This sadistic bitch could make your fantasy girl look like a witch,
She picked up the phone quick..ending the meeting with a click,
Her eyes looked lustfully at the scalpals and tools she would use,
And then she went to go view each sharpened sterling silver tool,
She caressed every single one like they were a child..she reconciled,
That she was addicted to cutting people...and for blood she went wild,

He walks in to the cold establishment...remember what he was to get,
A small nose job....then he'd be set....he'll be having all the ladies wet,
He walked in the small room...not knowing that soon it will be his doom,
He looked around...she was a professional is what he abruptly assumed,
He proceeded to browse..seeing the scalpals made his stomach feel foul,
Then he heard this slight sound....like wooden blocks hitting the ground,
He looked up...to see his doctor...she said politely and cool...what's up,
He felt awkward..the smell of the bloodwork...nearly made him upchuck,
She calmed him down and said..take a seat sir what is it that you need,
He said everything...she laughed...he said I was speaking hypothetically,
Just a nose job.......she looked his nose over and came to a conclusion,
Okay sir...it mau blur your vision but you surely need a nose protrusion,
I know all the risks.......I'll just be overjoyed if I can get my nose fixed,
Okay sir here's the price list..she looked reluctantly at her unusual bliss,
Okay that's fine...I'm not in a hurry but when can you perfrom surgery,
She said right now if you like...because unlike you sir...I AM in a hurry,

She layed him down on the steel bed.....anesteshia mask in her hand,
She put it over his mouth..'n said try to fall asleep as soon as you can,
He nodded...she readied her scalpals...then tested them on an apple,
It sliced it perfectly...then picked it up...she had it at a steady hold,
She sliced his face very way she could...giggling at flowing his blood,
It covered his whole upper body..in his ear was a blood covered stud,
She laughed hysterically..still making cuts..for her it was so much fun,
She stitched up his face...and stared proud at the creation she'd done,

...He gets up........mesmorized in this heart wrenching pain...
...He looks in the mirror to find his face wrapped up...
...All the bandages on his face looked like pure blood stains...
...He looks over to see half of his blood held in a cup...

...He comes to the conlusion that this trip wasn't worth the ride...
...When he ended up with the face above...it was Facial Suicide...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=303535
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=303328

Nice Piece..wraps Up Into A Story Nicely With All The Imagery...i Saw Bits Of Emotion In There, However I Think You Could Have Upped A Portion Of Your Eotions. Vokab Was Good, All Though I Felt At Times You Lot Site Of The Flow Of The Piece And Settled For Certain Words To Gain A Point, I Like The Angle You Came From On This Piece For The Depth Of The Meaning Is Worth Its Weight In Gold To The Correct Reader, Implying That Self-concious Persons Mind Plays Amazing Tricks On Them, And Has The Power To Sway Decisions, All Together Good Write, I Think You Will Have Better Pieces To Come

Thanx alot for the feed man.

yo i liked it but u need more emotion good write nice vocab keep it coming

I lied this peice,it was a very good read, and very enjoyable. There were two things letting you down in my opinion, these two things were the emotion and the line length. I think emotion is a peice is very important, it is one of the most important factors, a peice with emtion is a lot easier to get in to, and also a lot more interesting to read, I would have loved to see a lot more emotion in this peice. I am not a fan of long lines, I prefer short lines, it makes the peice a lot easier to read, and makes the lines seem a lot less stretched, there are some people who I know for a fact disagree with me, and others who would agree with me, so in the end it's down to what style you prefer...but I urge you to have a go at making your lines shorter, and then see what you think of it. I think that it makes the peice a lot easier to read and also helps the flow a lot, but as I said that's just my personal opinion. Ok what I did like was the storyline and the message you were trying to get across to your reader, the storyline was very original and made for a very good read, and I also think you got your message across very well, so props on that. I liked this peice and I can see a lot of elevation even from the last peice that I read from you, so keep at it, nice peice dude.

Thanx alot for the feed Witness. I'll try.

uppin.

this was a LONGASS READ!...but nice metas and nice complements on multies that you executed..i see your elevating my dude..i liked your emotion aswell very well presented with depth and class

She layed him down on the steel bed.....anesteshia mask in her hand,
She put it over his mouth..'n said try to fall asleep as soon as you can,
He nodded...she readied her scalpals...then tested them on an apple,
It sliced it perfectly...then picked it up...she had it at a steady hold,
She sliced his face very way she could...giggling at flowing his blood,
It covered his whole upper body..in his ear was a blood covered stud,
She laughed hysterically..still making cuts..for her it was so much fun,
She stitched up his face...and stared proud at the creation she'd done,

...He gets up........mesmorized in this heart wrenching pain...
...He looks in the mirror to find his face wrapped up...
...All the bandages on his face looked like pure blood stains...
...He looks over to see half of his blood held in a cup...

...He comes to the conlusion that this trip wasn't worth the ride...
...When he ended up with the face above...it was Facial Suicide...

Loved the ending got me hooked like a bug to light man made me smile cus the metas and ish were on point here....nice

RTF on the last link in the sig and if you read poems well just feed all of em please.

Will do Omega. Thanx for the feed man.

Bumpin up for a little more feed.