It's Time...Fight Back!

have you ever spent times, times stuck snorting lines
or time after time stuck, committing crime after crime
this repeatedness, almost seems like I need the stress
but the real is, i need a warm spot for cold feet to rest
this is how I spend my life, wandering and pondering
then I stop to think, I can pawn that ring...squandering
As I walk through this city, observing and unnerving
see a car swerving, drunk, all up on the curbing...
coulda hit a pedestrian...man, this is called hurting
the 2 years that he now servering, I find deserving...
how could any living souls life...end up similar to this
I mean, Bush is the reason, that terrorists still exist
you cant judge me on what I say, this is a free world
and that grudge thats here to stay, was twirled and re-hurled
syllybals and similies, fuck it, scribble scrabble on the page
I got more to say, than just hey, fuck the United States
shits changed, I can see it, i know you can too...
but noones willing to accept it, acting like 'Hey, who knew?'
listen to my story, well...here, listen up and follow me
dont matter what the fuck the color, give us equality
is'nt that what was stated, since the beginning of time?
but races still being hated, and now its about in its prime
this is whats in my head, im freestyling, this a true thread
but the thruth is, istead of kids, politians should be dead
Im just getting started, so listen up, heres MY feed
proceed to succeed, than see a cell, cuz Im in the lead??
Fuck that, they got us trapped, we talk, and they turn they back
you know what, i find that, just as rude as they find my raps
well, save me from the treason, fuck this just the begining
this hell gave us the reason, for my people to start winning

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...26#post4771326
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...48#post4771348

Nice drop, things could change, like a bit of rewording here and there.
A touch more of vocab and a litter better flowing together of your lines but...
all in all very nice piece, deep and thoughtful. keep writing.

This wasn't a bad piece. Like ^^ that dude said, it could use some rewording here and there. But the message was felt, which is always a good thing. my favorite line
"but the real is, i need a warm spot for cold feet to rest"

good job.

You had a decent sense of flow and solid multis, the topic was ehhh and i think you could've given a more creative take on it. But it wasn't a bad drop. The vocab was ok, hell of a lot better than the newbs who fuck this forum up. Focus a little more on painting a picture, the details make a piece go from ok to good.

Keep posting, keep elavating.

This piece was okay...at times during it I got lost. The rhyming was okay but at times it seemed that you just plugged any word that rhymed rather than putting more into it. I'm not the greatest, but I can put together a damn good piece so don't take it that I'm not giving you any props nor skills...just elevate in some areas.

Thanks for the feed people. I just wrote this off the top of my head, what was on my mind, I know I could of put more work in, but appreciate the feed none the less.