As She look Dear

http://tn3-2.deviantart.com/fs6/300W...y_camilkuo.jpg


Stare so demonic yet fragile with a touch
Like a tree to bare fruit at a certain deration of time, she shares her love
Corruption is upon her yet she knows not to think
Nor to let a simple sintricate thought slip, for death lies in a eye that blinks
Her tears shed like rain but crash hard like the ocean
Her emotions ripple away in a sudden rush with no sense of devotion
caused a cummotion, her eye's wander in curiousity
She crumbles like lost gravity, hitting the ground with such velocity
.
.
.
she settles in the feeling of a no name
like a broken mirrored frame the jagged glass falling is her mirrored pain
married to the eye's of tearony, she see's her own
crossed paths of a mirrored game, she hides to seek from her own clone
chrome, a life of neon and a pint of home
Yet the bloodied tears still rapidly descend into a pint of home all alone
The blood drips on the ground, leaves a mark of shame
Yet she grips the chain of pain, as the words " i fear no evil" is refrained
Whisperse are made but mistakes outrun.
Words mumble and stumble to make-out a perfect picture of hated Lust
Brushed, like a pinacle center from a sudden rush
Crushed, the heart is dragged and bruised from the edges of pain, that's her love
Shaked, moved as her emotion burn all of her mistakes
She leaps and plunges to her death, which is always remembered as the leap of faith
.
.
.
So she stares as she descends, starts a trend.
Of how to handle a mistaken burden of losing herself including a friend
She tried to face it, but could not handle her heart bent
As her heart bent to a shape that could not defend a worthy love that was sent.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=301458
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=300297

im silent aka affizial aka omega.
check the IP's

i like what you did here kratos, especially the way you expressed the feelings and painted the image, it suited the image that came along with this piece very well. i almost could picture the exact image by just reading and not looking at the image provided, very nice work on the imagery.
the 1st verse/stanza was a very interesting read because it made me wanting to read more plus the opening was very appealing.

"Her tears shed like rain but crash hard like the ocean
Her emotions ripple away in a sudden rush with no sense of devotion
caused a cummotion, her eye's wander in curiousity
She crumbles like lost gravity, hitting the ground with such velocity"

^^ this is a very good example of what you did to keep this read interesting plus it was also my favourite lines in the first verse/stanza.

i also rekon the sencond verse/stanza was very intering and tense because the build up to the death was full of imagery. overall this was a good piece of read. not too long but fullfilling. keep it up buddy

thanks my dude upping

very deep..the pic scared me at first..its cool how u could make it intensing like good chill an soften it up like this bar

[B]Stare so demonic yet fragile with a touch
Like a tree to bare fruit at a certain deration of time, she shares her love[B]

in my oppinion this was a very eye cathing opener...it was very intense an it ends w/ a soothing ending...

this a very deep, intense emotion, very well written piece..

i like ur work...the personification, an metas u use is very very good

but i picture this more like a poetic scripture....than an OM

very good piece...just work on the imagery part...open up to out of the ordinary things..things that might not be take'n on picture sort...

9.7

word thanks my dudes1.....really appreciate the feed.

yo upping this come on.

this was an o.k piece, but you need to work on your rhyme scheme, make it more complex, and work on the overral complexity of your piece but still keep it understandable, i think u should try writing poetry. but anyway u had a few bad lines in their but for the most part u did pretty good

thanks MAl...appreciated!..

This was good. I lied parrts and i disliked parts. I liked what yo were trying to do and the imagery and descriptive words used. But i don't ilike the use of common multies...you need to braoden your vocabulary a lil more to get that wow factor that i felt mssing whilst reading this. Not saying this isn't good, it's very good but i know you cand o better and have done better before....G/L for the battle, didsregard my opinion as i reckon this is a solid enough verse to put up a good fight, aight coolio, Stay up.

this was a sweet piece, however i didnt feel it as much as your other two
only that the others show (for me anyway) alot more realism
this is a biggy for me when reading a rhyme
not to say this piece is anything to be degraded
i liked it and it was a nice read, just comparin it to the others in ya sig*
dope picture... looks crazy as hell
7/10*

word thanks FAM for all the feed appreciated greatly thank you!

*Anal fucks your sig and the girls in Black Lizards sig*

This was a great peice. I liked the wordplay and structre. The creativty and imaganry was dope. The rhyme skeme was ok but not great. the STORY WAS MERY NICE. i LOVED THIS PEICE BUT FEEL ITS NOT hOf WORHY LIKE tIM AND sIR pREMES PEICE. sORRY. 9-10. keep it up :).

~LeX

This was a awsome piece. I liked hiow you used the pic 'n revlved the OM around that. It was nice imagry and had good flow 'n kept me interested nice work

word my dude thanks now ima hold up to my promise!...now dont forget WV!