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....Reflects....
....Reflects....
He hated me, so blaintantly, with this unsupressed passion
I'd play hide & hope, no seek, when he'd 'swing' into action
Smashin' down beer after beer, my fear would grow deeper
Along with his drunkness, and this hated toward my keeper
Hed leave her, & come stumbling home as drunk as a mouse
With a mouth full of curses, & whatever liquor in the house
His spouse loved him, and she'd try so hard to please him
With no reason, because he'd always threaten he's leavin
Beneath 'em was me, my room echoed with screaming hate
Late nights became routine, so did the scrapes on her face
This place, in which I called home, became hell in it's own
That throwned an evil tyrant, the family had never known
Then get stoned was a regular, my face could feel all the hits
Cept Im not talking about weed, those stones were his fists
My lips would be swollen, & all the kids at school made fun
I wish they knew how felt to hear your dad, & have to run
And none of them knew all the fucking pain I went through
My bruises started resembling my feelings, all black and blue
I threw tantrums, but my father would just throw punches,
But all his anger was be paid out, me & my mom as fundage
And Id tell him that "I hate you dad", just like my son did
*....Tear....*
I realize what Ive become, the father in which I hated as a son
The one who hung himself, but God wouldnt let me be done
As the sun hit my eyes, I thought to go talk to my only kid
So I walked to the room I'd always find him hiding in.....
Only to find his motionless body hanging from the same ceiling I tried it with
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Decent piece from a new comer to the OM section. I saw a few minor flaws, that can be fixed with time and experiance. It seemed that you forced the structure, and again, you will fix your mistake with time and experiance. You sacrificed content for multies. But I think with a few more decent drops, a few reads from bounce, you'll be on your way. Stay active in the OM section, keep droping, nice read.
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Hmmm. this 1 brings back bad memories man, so it's hard 2 leave u good feed... hmm but neways, it was a really good piece, good topic though kinda played.. amazing storyline, with alot of twists and turns in it.. your structure was flawless and the flow was consistent throughout the whole piece and that was good to see... you're vocabulary and imagry evolves and elevated severytime i set sight on another one of your pieces and it's good to see another new topical mastermind being born. You used nice and descriptive words to explain your story which really aided in the strong emotion which was shown off in this piece. also, along with the descriptive words to aid the imagry, the clever wordplay helped out alot aswell, along with the metaphors in the piece. the only problem i had with your piece was the simplistic rhymes you used and the extreme lack of multis. you need to try and find more complex and difficult words to rhyme in your pieces and keep them rolling... it just makes the piece sound better in my mind and it displays your full potential
all in all very well written. if you haven't left feed in one of the pieces in my sig pleas do so it would b greatly appreciated.
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upp 1 leave links i`ll get right back to ya.....
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I really liked this peice dude, I could really get in to it. you are seriously elevating with every single peice that you drop. This peice was great to read and I'm very happy to see you dropping so well. The storyline was very good, and it kind of reminded me of the way I used to write a couple of months ago, very dark and impossible to tell what was going to happen, as I have elevated I have become more of an descriptive writer, but I really think this style is very good. Your vocanulary in this peice is what surprised me the fucking most.......you have learnt how to use complex vocab and still make the peice easy to read, which I know myself is a very tricky skill to master, and the complexity of your vocab really impressed me here, nice job. Your imagery was also quite good you described everything with a lot of detail, and you painted a perfect picture in my head of what was happening, very well done dude. Finally I would like to say.......I can see you definitely becoming a very good writer, in both text and topical. If you keep elevating I know you will become known as a great writer on this site. Keep it up dude
leave feed on my peice 'Rain Seeps'
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Oh Shit........this was byfar your best piece, my popoint of view nayway. The flow was great worked goo whilst i was reading. The way you told the sotry and metaphored the fist and then told the stone aint weed was a good one.Grasping i have to say and the way you flipped the ending was very good. Overall a very enjoyable read iand yeah you've elevated since your last work. You've got a bright future in topicals, Keep rolling.
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thanks for the feed
uppin leave links i`ll hit yours right back
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