The Heart of a Boxer

The sun cast warmth on his skin, he'd run past harm in his sins
Standing strong the bell rang, he begun fast arms to his chin
Tears and soul on leather, his fears were tall composed together
Past years of calls in stormy weather, to hear falls that took forever
Fighting ghosts in mirrors at night, lighting was a host in glimmers
He jogged with the nature of delighting sights of coats an rivers
The sound of the bell, stars in his eyes hitting the ground as he fell
Another round, the same smell, yet he found their was hope in hell
The Ring was His Cage, a lonely place he could bring his hearts rage
A singer on stage, his punches were music causing stings on a page
The grip of skipping ropes, it seemed he could trip on dripping hope
A man of strenght and honour, his body ripped with hitting blows
Fate in his hands, he cut fighters like they had blades in their glands
A renegade on demand, he would concentrate on victory for his fans
His pride cost his protection, but he would never hide in a lost reflection
A lonely child with a brutal family taking a ride of crossed neglection

-Sir

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=300162
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...67#post4722867

Your rhymescheme stood out the most, it flowed very well making it a smooth and easy read and u had complex rhymes and internals. The vocab was just on point and the emotion and imagery was well written. I really see no flaws, this was dope, but somehow not nomination material IN MY OPINION.. but yeah good shit.

i liked these lines a lot:

Tears and soul on leather, his fears were tall composed together
Past years of calls in stormy weather, to hear falls that took forever
Fighting ghosts in mirrors at night, lighting was a host in glimmers
He jogged with the nature of delighting sights of coats an rivers

&

The Ring was His Cage, a lonely place he could bring his hearts rage
A singer on stage, his punches were music causing stings on a page


peace.

it was a pretty good pece for your om the rhyming was dope and a couple bars were really nice, i could feel the imagery of the boxer dope shit keep it up.

Fighting ghosts in mirrors at night, lighting was a host in glimmers
He jogged with the nature of delighting sights of coats an rivers
The Ring was His Cage, a lonely place he could bring his hearts rage
A singer on stage, his punches were music causing stings on a page

The Ring was His Cage, a lonely place he could bring his hearts rage
A singer on stage, his punches were music causing stings on a page
The grip of skipping ropes, it seemed he could trip on dripping hope
A man of strenght and honour, his body ripped with hitting blows
Fate in his hands, he cut fighters like they had blades in their glands
A renegade on demand, he would concentrate on victory for his fans
His pride cost his protection, but he would never hide in a lost reflection
A lonely child with a brutal family taking a ride of crossed neglection

^^ The second bit was the best... ^^

Feed - nice piece here man....the rhymescheme stood out in this piece really well.
You vocabulary and choice of words and layout in the lines was tight.
There wasn't to much emotion but in parts were you could see it, it was good.
Imagery in this piece i thought was tight.
Overall - This was a good piece fam....Stay up...

I Liked this peice alot. The creaticty was meh but the Imagenary filled in both slotys well. The flow was masterfull. I liked the wordplay and the stoory plot. I liked the fact that you took one of my favorite sports and made a peice out of it. Altogether it is about a 9-10. Keep it up :)

~LeX

hmmmm I did like this peice, it was a very enjoyable read. But there was one thing that annoyed me, THE FUCKING LINES WERE TOO LONG, sorry about that I just can't stand long lines, it's just my personal opinion but Ithink shorter lines help the flow a lot. But none the less I liked this peice, it had very good imagery and the description you wrote with was amazing.....your vocab was fine but I think it could have been a bit more complex, as far storyline, I really thought it was fanatastic. So it was a good peice but I don't think it's HOF material, keep dropping and improving and I'll sure you'll be in HOf very soon.

My Favourite part:
Tears and soul on leather, his fears were tall composed together
Past years of calls in stormy weather, to hear falls that took forever
Fighting ghosts in mirrors at night, lighting was a host in glimmers
He jogged with the nature of delighting sights of coats an rivers

that part was seriously dope as fuck.

this peice was well written out.. ya rhyme scheme was very strong.. ur vocab had it's times were i thought of a better choice that woulda made it come to life more but.. IMO u exicuted it very well.. i loved the visual.. 's like i could see him getting knocked da fuck down that 1 part of the story.. but in all of this dopeness i don't think it's exactly HOF par... lke it's really dope but if u read HOF peices n then read this.. it's like it's missing something.. no hate just keeping it real.. i usually don't nominate peices unless i really really fucks with them.. i fucked with this but u missed my 100% liking by a small margin

keep writing

n thx for the feed

REAL basic my man ..real basic. i liked your other piece better than this one honestly, and this wasn't an improvement. your style honestly isn't that unique, the whole structure and basic rhyme scheme is fit for a beginner and i really feel you haven't discovered your style yet. you're still having a bit of a problem with your internal rhyme scheme and multies, and i feel you can do better ..this was not an improvement from your last piece, start improving :mad:

- Nash

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir Preme.

The sun cast warmth on his skin, he'd run past harm in his sins
Standing strong the bell rang, he begun fast arms to his chin
Tears and soul on leather, his fears were tall composed together
Past years of calls in stormy weather, to hear falls that took forever
Fighting ghosts in mirrors at night, lighting was a host in glimmers
He jogged with the nature of delighting sights of coats an rivers
The sound of the bell, stars in his eyes hitting the ground as he fell
Another round, the same smell, yet he found their was hope in hell
The Ring was His Cage, a lonely place he could bring his hearts rage
A singer on stage, his punches were music causing stings on a page
The grip of skipping ropes, it seemed he could trip on dripping hope
A man of strenght and honour, his body ripped with hitting blows
Fate in his hands, he cut fighters like they had blades in their glands
A renegade on demand, he would concentrate on victory for his fans
His pride cost his protection, but he would never hide in a lost reflection
A lonely child with a brutal family taking a ride of crossed neglection

-Sir

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=300162
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...67#post4722867

---

nice. i loved your flow and rhythm the most. the metaphors and multies kick this piece up a whole lot!. i liked your story line and ability to stick to the topic and stay on it and how you were diverse and came diffrent

The Ring was His Cage, a lonely place he could bring his hearts rage
A singer on stage, his punches were music causing stings on a page
^^
This was kool nice switch on it with meta


Fate in his hands, he cut fighters like they had blades in their glands
A renegade on demand, he would concentrate on victory for his fans
His pride cost his protection, but he would never hide in a lost reflection
A lonely child with a brutal family taking a ride of crossed neglection
^^
Nice closer i liked this whole piece but those lines stood out to me.

RTF on the links in my sig please. :2thumb:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Cry

REAL basic my man ..real basic. i liked your other piece better than this one honestly, and this wasn't an improvement. your style honestly isn't that unique, the whole structure and basic rhyme scheme is fit for a beginner and i really feel you haven't discovered your style yet. you're still having a bit of a problem with your internal rhyme scheme and multies, and i feel you can do better ..this was not an improvement from your last piece, start improving :mad:

- Nash

---

stfu faggot.

fuck feeding for you again ...

ok.. <3
well thanks for the feed all..will hit links a lil later..

Not bad...

Your rhyme scheme was nice, had a few nice internals..I think you had a few gramatical errors, as in:

The sun cast warmth on his skin, he'd run past harm in his sins
Standing strong the bell rang, he begun fast arms to his chin
began

That may be a little nit-picky, but it stuck out to me like a sore thumb. You tackle metaphors nicely, as in:

Fighting ghosts in mirrors at night, lighting was a host in glimmers

^^^Pretty impressive coming from you..

Sadly, it slipped into a bit of redundance as I progressed through the piece...Thought it was just a bunch of describing without much progression...A few more lines wouldn't of hurt, but it's your writing..As far as the end goes, I think it lacked a bit of..can't think of the word, I'll just say it lacked a bit...sorta left me saying "Ummm...okkkkk?"...Lol, I see a lot of potential, keep it up and keep writing...

thanks.