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Similar Thoughts
Similar Thoughts
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b2...nz/SSpeice.jpg
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The planes and boats arrive as i cry out my eyes
Hit with the truth and lies, the feelings i hold inside
Everything is in ruckus, bombs explode and guns sound
Chills rush threw my body as i run, then fall down
Hatred filled my soul as i watched my family fall apart
Illusions of ones mind will have you scared from the start
Let me help you up a soldier said, i grabbed his hand with ease
Destroyed in mind, body, and soul, the invasion of my country
-Micheal Branch
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http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b2.../sssoldier.jpg
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Temperatures high as i release my chute after being dropped from the plane
Hitting the water at high valosity, it's enuff to drive the strongest man insane
Everthing is in kaos, i throw a granade, gunshot's echo in the background
Suddenly i see children on the run, comotion scared them, one falls down
Overturned by hatred, i see a parent gunned down with there child in plain site
Let me help you i yelled, you kno just to make sure that everything is all right
Dependance is what they needed, but i can see the fear in the child face
Illusions of ones mind must have taken him to a safe place
Emotions ran high as vivid thoughts ran threw my mind, i cannot see
Regreat now fills my heart, as my fellow soldier continue to invade there country
-Capt. Mark Jacobs
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http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b2...nz/sschild.jpg
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...27&postcount=3
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...54&postcount=8
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thats fuckin real fam, nice ass story along with the pics...tha pics werent needed tho u had good imagery, nice choice of words, nothin was forced it was straight up & to tha point....very good read
9/10, u real good at story tellin
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yeah this was a nice peice. great source of voab and flow, lvoed the acrostic poem sorta thang and the emotion was clearly there homie. keep it up. 8.5/10
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some feed on this please? http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=301588
hmm, ok peice here some things i think you could've done better was, had more creativtiy and complex vocab, also i felt that the lines sorta dragged on quite a bit that couldve been avoided by simply pressing "enter" but yea, just my thoughts anyhow.. as for the topic about war, its kinda plain and boring, but i thought you used it quite nice here, the story behind it was good, and pretty easy to follow, hard n fast and strait to the point, i partictually liked the ending stanza, showed some emotion there.. couldve been a bit deeper in the opener stanza though.. but overall decent drop, flow coulda been a bit better with some more multies aswell..
but yea, i liked the story to it.. was a good read..
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thx for the feedback.....
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woot woot philly nice little drop here it i liked how you had the pics to show us what was going on seemed to work well help your lines flow together liked who you took two different people lifes put it into a story and have them be almost alike in a way and then not did well not to mnay problem only advice would be add a couple more internal rhymes to help it flow along but other then that i loved it good drop
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=301645
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yea what i said last Om i upped...
rookie peice :mad:
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i will get head from you girls...
feedback
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thx to all who took the time to hippty hop
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can i up this still...?
if not i guess you'll close this :rolleyes:
