Idle Eyes By Eyemeag

LINKS

Link 1: http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=301316
Link 2: http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=301385

Idle Eyes.


Often pondering about life if he became.. big time, he whirls this claim
A scheme that would drive him on the road to riches, girls and fame
The thoughts inflamed to his mind, his hearts blind to deception..
Frightened by nothing, with the thought of rejection as the only exception
Allowed nothing to stand between him and his dream, its plain cream.
Overlooked water under the bridge, he screamed to one day be mainstream.
The trials of an aspiring artist, with the farthest road to walk
until fame is reached. & this,
the same we teach, when you're heading to Twelve never turn to Six o'clock
time passed, but his dream remained. won't vanish through the toughest pain
& the sun don't shine when it rains. Life sucked. with all the blows he'd obtained
But never complained. His glass- always half full, which makes you wonder..
Will he? but after all the up and under, he'd be happy with just a one hit wonder
...Gettin' tired of all this shit...
...I'll never make one big hit...
Then he said fuck the world.. hurled into a ball in his bed, he'd rather be dead.
His thoughts- flooded in a storm of ink and led, starin off without blinks in bed
Late nights, Insomnia kept him awake, Where'd he make this hard mistake?
Failure is something he was barred to take.. with a side effect of major heartbreak
The stakes were high, and now even the clouds been crying since late July..
memories saying, you drop killer weight. How ironic, how now he can't wait to die
never give up until everythings given up to you, used to be his catchphrase
& now he's given up his life.. body... and his souls already on the walkway

actually a very decent piece. not the best i've ever seen but real decent. the flow was cool, a couple fall off points in there. i didn't understand how he'd died? more content to the piece would've been cool, and possibly a more twisted ending. because it seems in every piece, the ending is predictable. EVERY SINGLE PIECE, the people die. is this a emo thing? who knows, but it true for nearly every piece based on depression. i liked some of the wording you used, and i feel you can get better with that as well ..your lines are a bit of a stretch, so work with that. keep it up though, you'll do better. keep writing.

- Nash

This was a decent read from someone who is new to the topical section of RB. If you stick with this, you can be the future of OM. Seriously, I like your flow, and you had fluent multies throughout the piece. You stayed consistant, and followed the story line, and basicly stayed on point. I liked the title, nice short, catchy. Great overall piece. Keep it up dude. Please check out my new piece. Keep writing.

This piece had a very strong meaning to it and i just liked the concept and a lot of the lines u put in there.. but ur rhymescheme felt off sometimes, like it was too simple in some points, but then it would get pretty good.. Your vocab could be better, but it was alright... u did have multies, but i felt like a lot of the multies could have been more complex. Anyways, the emotion was felt on this piece. nice drop.

please return the feed-back to the link in my sig "im sarcastic and coronas are healthy". thanks.

Yo. UPPING!!!