A Vampires Tears

A Vampires Tears

Flesh equivalents nutrition, bodily fluids function off living organisms -
…Cravings unmanageable intellect fails to overcome Unshakeable psyche prisms-
My nerves Roar and cheer for domestic trounce creating me the odd man in my own stadium-
…Demons insoluble as they control the movement inside of my cranium-
They are unseen, Invincible to my eyes but their dreadfulness is apparent-
…Blind to there movements, But my ignorance to them is adherent-
Necessary for them to continue, forcing my spirit to host this internal fight-
….Now Cerebral Is Afraid of light, with help of demons I’ve become the fang of night- Psychological Desire has Damaged Sight, and now Blood fulfills yearning of devilish relief-
…Written off with no branch to hold me, Soul captures meaning of a loose leaf-
Deep within my essence Optimistic beliefs lye, but impossible to unleash them I release a brief cry-
….Knowing that I am the Murderer the wolf, that make these sheep die-
Gain Control? No Use to try, Soul was Sold: Now just a Pawn of Evil-
…. Enter Depths Of Hell, 666666 Feet Under Ground to Interact with my Zone of Equals-
Chose this part of life; turned to be the most Dreadful Sequel, It’d be different if Rewound-
…Jesus I would have seeked and found, Now my futures bleak with frowns-
An Assassin whose But Until then I ask that you know my pain, and that when you do see me know your not the only one with fear-
…If only you knew that Yes Even I as a Vampire has Tears-

link 1
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=300991

link 2
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=301043

upp..upp

for feed

uppin for feed

this was a deep piece, i really was feeling the imagery and the complexion......i can tell u took ur time on this, nice work keep it up.........7.9/10

LOL, I dropped feed on this at RF...Remember fam?

I didnt like this so much, it seemed forced and the set up tryed to lift.. but didnt.
Maybe its just me, but i feel some parts where okay, but as a whole it didnt make to much sense to me.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ex Calibur

LOL, I dropped feed on this at RF...Remember fam?

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yea i member you

uppin for more feed

Hmmm....this was an aight read, the flow lloked good for parts but i have to say that whilst trying to create an intellectual and high in vocab piece, you used words that sometimes didn't fit in with the sentence, it happens i.e. your word makes sense on it's own but in a sentence it has no meaning.
Other than that this was a good effort to try and up your standard of writing.

this seriously need's work i mean nice attempt at it but i felt most of the times it was forced metas and useless ,ulties were really werent necessary in most areas i mean think more of a simple intrigued and advanced yet adequate drop of complexity my dude try not to focus too had on impression and just write


RTF on the link in the sig

Uh...is this supposed to be rap or what?

it sounds more like poetry night at the local coffee shop...ahhah..

Anyways it was good bro, the lyrics presented a good picture and all, but i think you might be alot better off doin your thing with poetry n shit.. you use alot of real deep descriptive words that just..seems to put it beyond a rap beat, if you know what i mean.. plus the bars had no flow at all, the syllable count kept changing every line..

^though i guess, being open mic and all it dont really matter whether its actually a rap song or not

chea..lmao..uppin