"Through These Eyes" - ft. Indeph

"Through These Eyes"

Italics - Indeph
Regular - Unreal.

I don't know what's next, so many moments I been so depressed
my chest is blowin’ it's nose, until I grow some breasts
mascaras running on my face everywhere it's somethin’
I can't care mopin’ leave's me open to their assumptions
why aren't I beautiful? I'm smart, but there's few in school
that even notice I exist, now my heart is disputable
what would I give to be as pretty as Paris and Nicky
I would cherish it plenty, my piercings.. will my parents forgive me?
I feel obese, people say you have a meal... so eat
but I'm fulfilled with empty, although I still go weak
the posters around me are the best in appearance
although I contest the mirrors ugly reflection when near it
my best friend's the television, it tells me how to be
and teaches etiquette to forever get the males surrounding me
as I develop into a teen, I notice men
but jealous and envy are often the closest friends

And through these eyes I see the world
Everyone wants to be a cover girl.

Listen to this child, her whole life is being brainwashed
as the clock tick-tocks away the minutes ‘till her head rots
Distraught by the politics; her role models are deceiving us
If looks could kill, they’d be devious – look at where they’re leading us
A path of self-distortion, proportionate to the model’s life
Feelings all mixed up inside, ‘cause her father died when she was five.
She’d trade it all, fame and charm – to spend another night in his arms
He’d cradle the dying child, skin and bones with a hidden scar
to reopen it by asking “What did you trade to come this far??”
A future of hope for a widowed daughter amid a heart of gold
to be turned to stone – and sat upon by Hollywood stars alone.
She sits at home, and gasps her one last wish upon her shaky lips:
“I want my life back.”
before preparing to exist endowed in cocaine’s crippling grip.
The young girl lays, pondering the posters pinned on her bedroom wall
The model falls… wondering why she wants one thing….
……………………………………………When she could have it all.

And through these eyes they see what it’s like
to have already died as to just feel alive.

Nique - Lyrical Jawn.
Exact - Fat Tuesday

Okay, first off, you really caught me with an impressive and clever beginning which basically forced me to read the whole thing.

Quote:

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I don't know what's next, so many moments I been so depressed
my chest is blowin’ it's nose, until I grow some breasts
mascaras running on my face everywhere it's somethin’
I can't care mopin’ leave's me open to their assumptions
why aren't I beautiful? I'm smart, but there's few in school
that even notice I exist, now my heart is disputable

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After that, you told your story, but lyricallly it dropped off a bit for me, although yiou kept up some multies and kept the same sort of scheme, the originality and smoothness of it really started lacking to my disappointment because the beginning was so strong. Just work on consistency, probably the biggest problem with most talented people. Overall, Nice Drop, enjoyed it.

All I can say about this piece is that it was deep, and awesome emotion wise. Vocabulary wise, it was pretty basic within the words that you used, but still I liked the whole persona you guys took on with a semidepressed girl battling everyday struggles that were sent at her from television, propaganda, other people and so on. This was real. All I can say about it.

Nice one.

Indeph? What's my little puppet doing over here?

... I'm assuming you're from Rv, who are you?

Same guy.................

Thanks for the feed guys.

Dope piece fellas.

This was deep. the vocab i was definately feeling. its eye catching. also the story and the way it was unfolding had me hooked.

what would I give to be as pretty as Paris and Nicky
I would cherish it plenty, my piercings.. will my parents forgive me?
I feel obese, people say you have a meal... so eat
but I'm fulfilled with empty, although I still go weak
the posters around me are the best in appearance
although I contest the mirrors ugly reflection when near it
my best friend's the television, it tells me how to be
and teaches etiquette to forever get the males surrounding me

That was nice, the flow was impecable too ^

Unreal - the piece was decent. the topic was a new one, but depression was an obvious/not creative part of it. the way you portrayed the little girls depression on both sides was kind've plain. but still it was attracting in some way, simply because it contained truth to it. i feel the words used could've come off deeper, you could've used better similies and metaphorical shit to show off your talent a bit, but you did fine nontheless. you've done better ..

Indepth - very nicely done, but i didn't like some parts here neither. flow was cool, but the story was bland because we've all heard/read this before with different "Depressed" people. like i said to unreal, you could've been a bit more creative with it and gone all out. not as much the vocabulary, but the way you used the particular vocabulary. i've never seen you before, so i can't say you did better or worse than you can do, but i see mad potential in the writing.

both did great overall, some minimal flaws but nothing too big. the story was cool, especially the truth behind it, like i said. thanks for the read.

- Nash

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Cry

Unreal - the piece was decent. the topic was a new one, but depression was an obvious/not creative part of it. the way you portrayed the little girls depression on both sides was kind've plain. but still it was attracting in some way, simply because it contained truth to it. i feel the words used could've come off deeper, you could've used better similies and metaphorical shit to show off your talent a bit, but you did fine nontheless. you've done better ..

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bahh, indephs half was supposed to signifiy how much this young girl wanted to be a model or someone famous...

my half was supposed to signify that even famous people, and people's lives who may seem attractive, also have problems, just like real humans.

word ..did i say something different? i didn't say what they were about lol. i said that the way the emotion was written could've been better :\ considering i've seen what you can do. not a bad thing, you did good nontheless.

oh........... ok thanks. ahaha, upping...............

real nice very very imagery and eye catching nice drop son...real creative and diverse....keep em coming man its ill

Quote:

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Originally Posted by I Am Unreal.

"Through These Eyes"

Italics - Indeph
Regular - Unreal.

I don't know what's next, so many moments I been so depressed
my chest is blowin’ it's nose, until I grow some breasts
mascaras running on my face everywhere it's somethin’
I can't care mopin’ leave's me open to their assumptions
why aren't I beautiful? I'm smart, but there's few in school
that even notice I exist, now my heart is disputable
what would I give to be as pretty as Paris and Nicky
I would cherish it plenty, my piercings.. will my parents forgive me?
I feel obese, people say you have a meal... so eat
but I'm fulfilled with empty, although I still go weak
the posters around me are the best in appearance
although I contest the mirrors ugly reflection when near it
my best friend's the television, it tells me how to be
and teaches etiquette to forever get the males surrounding me
as I develop into a teen, I notice men
but jealous and envy are often the closest friends




She sits at home, and gasps her one last wish upon her shaky lips:
“I want my life back.”
before preparing to exist endowed in cocaine’s crippling grip.
The young girl lays, pondering the posters pinned on her bedroom wall
The model falls… wondering why she wants one thing….
……………………………………………When she could have it all.

And through these eyes they see what it’s like
to have already died as to just feel alive.

Nique - Lyrical Jawn.
Exact - Fat Tuesday

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nice^^i liked these lines

RTF on the links in my sig please im silent

Did on rv^^.......................

well do it on RB please.....thank you