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i can't allow this..
I can't allow this
some say im weak, some say im strong
i stress my self to find which is right and which is wrong
were they right all along? am i a coward? am i pathetic?
im told...
"if i let people push me around, there's no answer to where im headin"
i try to tell myself im fine all the time, but its hard to believe
im always nice to people, but how come they're not nice to me?
i cant allow myself to be pushed around anymore, see?
'cause if i do, i'll never be able to achieve my hopes and dreams
i talk polite to others, i'm never obscene, this is what i dont get..
im to nice? what, do i have to mean? man, im fucking hopeless
and note this, all the time i attempt to stand up for myself..
but when i do, i end up getting beat up and calling someone for help
and i cant take that much longer, i mean, its so awful it...
tears my emotions inside, and i become less and less confident
i wish some one could see where im coming from, i need support
and if i don't get some soon, then this story of my life will end short
yes! thats right, i've thought about it many times
so i sit here and cry, and try to deny that suicide's on my mind
i wonder, is this the end of the line? i go into my closet..
grab my nine, point it to my head, and think, have i lost it?
i toss the gun.. and think, i'm not going nowhere..
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lol someone got some bullying problems? lol just playing... it was a decent piece... topic coulda been a little more original but im not gonna harp on you bout that... there wasnt much story telling displayed in this piece but i did see you do alot of character development and the reader had a strong sense of wut this character was like... Structure was a little off, but it's okay because it still flowed nicely, so as long as it flows i dont really care about the structure... emotion was off and on throughout the piece, i think with the topic you chose you could have displayed a little more emotion into it... the rhymes were ok, at the start they seemed a little simplistic but u really picked it up at the end which is nice 2 see... also i saw you trying to do multis quite often which really helps your piece out in my opinion... one thing i didnt like about your piece is at the end his state of mind changes so much and one minute he's depressed, next minute he wants to kill him self, then poof he doesnt nemore... before you write i advise you to plan it out and make sure you kno wut is going 2 happen in your story or else it will turn out weird...
all in all good work u have some work 2 do but you definately have potenial... hit the OM in my sig called Peaceful Storm.... thanks
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yeah, its like the my first time writing in like 6 months.. i just felt like writing something this morning.. so i did.. lol.. yeah, i def. understand what you mean about the topic being played, i was just bored and it was an easy topic to do. thanks for the feed.
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rtf plz im gettin slept on big time
Peaceful Storm
