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In The Cave
http://images.google.co.uk/images?q=...s/darkcave.jpg
'mankind will survive even the toughest tests'
Her flaming soul, and fiery passion, sang a song of sorrow
For she knew her innocuous life would be soon consumed
By a heartless beast with jagged teeth……….come tomorrow
Her limp and inert body, would putrefy, in a desolate tomb
For her life had been strangled, by transgression and evil deeds
Waving gently in the morning wind, her hair swept gracefully
Singing in to herself, ‘oh what an excessive life to lead’
She picked herself off the ground, revelled in the searing heat
Admired the sea, and lowered herself in to the daunting cave
Where she would rot, and put an end to these haunting days
The cave walls, were graphically scattered with hieroglyphics
Telling of a time long ago…..when all was deadly and horrific
Emptiness surrounded her, every step was a new adventure
Treading charily, so as not to collide with hanging rocks
Her shining locks, were the only source of light, all else was dark
But with a hasty spark, the cave lit up, and revealed its secrets
Skeletons long deceased and gone, left this lady’s anger heated
Defeated, they lay in a gathered pile, there forever they would stay
Until the day, a valiant woman came, and gave her life away
‘many will die, so that a lady will be left unprotected
She must give her life, for them to be resurrected’
Engraved in the walls, weathered after years of existence
This long forgotten curse, made this lady’s choice decisive
With a subservient soul, and a heart open wide
The lady inside this cave, stood boldly to one side
And called upon the beast, to fulfil his malicious deed
‘Come evil beast, come quickly for me
For it is I you want, and it is I you shall get’
With a ground shaking roar, the horrific beast leapt
And devoured this lady, until there was nothing left
Licking his lips, and grinning in great satisfaction
Not sentient that the curse, was coming in to action
He lay on the dusty and dicey ground, and slept like a king
While the skeletons woke up, and got together to sing.
‘Your imprudence will soon be your demise
For within your fattened body, our mistress lies
Awaiting us to free her soul, for she freed ours
So evil beast, this is your final hour’
They crept upon him, crushing his ego and pride
Between their mighty hands, the beast cried and died
It was too late for him, he had sown his seed
Now for his behaviour he must pay his deed
He has been killed for attempting to trick mankind
Now mankind will show his brilliant might
All this happened in the cave that night
Completely concealed to those outside
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This was an interesting read. I enjoyed many aspects of your writing, from the simple imagery of description to more advance metaphorical statements. The main story was also good and written in depth. Which though made your work longer it still managed to allow the reader to grasp and stay attentive to what you are saying. Overall, this is a very good piece, by which i mean very good but i reckon at your level you can do better as i have seen better work from you in the past. But that is in no way degrading this om, as this is one of the better works here in RB. Ayo King, Keep it Poppin' na mean
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Ok bro nice piece first of all.I feel as if you are getting better and better with each piece you write.You are getting more creative and you are developing a better mind for your OM's.The differance between now and say 3 months ago is amazing,you really have improved big time and you are now writing dope pieces.Imagery in this was very nice and you detailed everything excellantly.The whole storyline was very well displayed also and it is good to see with each piece you drop you have a differant style in how the story will go.That is one big thing I like about your writing,you are not afraid to write in differant styles and try out differant things.Keep up your good work because it is paying off.
-Dyl
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wow..
witness you have really improved than the last time ive read your om. this had more emotional dialect adn depth in it aswell. well structured and well rounded aswell. your vocabulary and delivery were really executed to perfection. you metaz/multies were great assets.
nice keep elevating
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Nice work witness. Im not suprised you came again with nasty story line and plot and beat the shit outta the thread with the words and creativity. It was preety dam nasty. I liked your opener it gave me a chance to real wat was goin on and then you went at it with the lyrics nice work.
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thanks for the feed dude,it's appreciated
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First of all i liked the way you started this piece you described the lady and beast briefly and yet i can still picture them in my mind which shows great use of words on your part you did a good job of describing her life and some of her feautures such as her hair. you also did a great job of displaying her emotions and you decribed the cave perfectly i could imagine it i loved the way you ended your piece too it made great sence and was unpredictable which was exciting this was a great read my friend it was very exciting.
