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This Love is my Pain
I feel such deep love inside of me as i constantly think of her
feeling tension run through my veins with every breath
While reminising on past memories of how things were
losing this love i once had, resembling a mear death
Trying to think back of times i've felt the same
trying to pretty this gloomy state of mind was a dream
but it was a side-afect of the malfunction of my visceral brain
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As I gaze at her picture trying to faze out another man
my love grows deeper and turns into pain
While i plot of ways to win her over, but i despise my plans
I never thought i would go through thiswith a women,
dating back to my childhood i was sworn to be tough
but when cupid strikes your heart and leaves an abyss
its a long rocky road trying to recover from a loss suck as this
feeling such sorrow....
I feel as if she was something I was undeserving of
no one should feel this way...
love is happiness somethin we should all sustain
I just hope your love does'nt go bad and you dont feel such pain
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This was pretty decent piece here. I felt there were some good part's then it had some bad one's. You were pretty much consistent with flow. The topic was well choosen & original. You had some good use of vocab too , but I felt you could have came a bit better. The structure was good but that really does'nt matter. You have to also be more consistent with your imagery side. Put alot more thought & metaphor's in your piece & it will be alot more consitenent & a better piece.
Feedbak appreciated:
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...83#post4654983
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Have fun with that account while you can Malicious.
