Hoping.

I was walking down the street and I saw your face
Only to realise I was looking into an empty space
I really thought god had answered my prayer
Only to wish that you was right there
Why couldn’t you show me that you cared
I don’t care what people thought, don’t be scared
I love you, I love you, I love you
Baby I’m just waiting for you to say you love me to
My love is bad, its so hard to show
Ill love you more then you’ll ever know
Hoping that you feel the same way, but properly not
But knowing your safe, baby, that’s a lot
Id give up my life for us to spend just one night
If that happened, id hold you so tight
But I guess I’m living in dream land
How I long for that day to hold your hand
Even talking to you leaves me speechless
I don’t know what to say, but you couldn’t care less
Seeing her id like to say ‘hi’
But, she would just say ‘bye’
I cant win, you giving off signals
I try flirting but that’s not your intentions
You properly wouldn’t no the meaning of love
God answer my prayers, stop me looking above
For that one little kiss
Why cant you just answer this
I know I’m wasting my time
But all I want is for you to be mine

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=297503
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...d=1#post4616946

very poetic, specially with your rhyme pattern and inconsistant lines... quite simple too nothing really to flow off the tongue like a few bars full of multis n shit

nice emotion, bit played though

uppin

mehh this piece was so-so..a little below average but i see the potential in what you could be...the flow was a little sketchy, rhyme scheme was too basic along with the vocab which kinda made the mood of the piece seem kinda of bland, also the subject matter was kinda played..however, on a positive note it showed you put your emotions into the work...i'd have to agree with clinical that it seemed more like a poem than an OM..but keep writing and elevating..ONE!

This piece was aight, you sound like a beginner in topics therfore the simplicit vocab and rhymes were expected. though you did put effort in creating a good storyline which is a good sign, as your stroy showed raw emotion in areas...however, you need to start thinking of using more imagery even it it's only description.

Check the link below, thanks
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=299351

Eh, for a piece of this nature you really have to pack your drop full of emotion and strong imagery that can ensight a degree of feeling in your audience... I don't really feel like you accomplished that with this piece. These love, 'Dear Baby' kind of pieces are done atleast twice a day, so to achieve any credibility from them you really have to go above and beyond, not just wonder among the average. The piece was just bland for me. You should really try and work on elevating your vocabulary aswell, because when you start saying "bad" to describe a degree of negativity... Something has to be done.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Seti

This piece was aight, you sound like a beginner in topics therfore the simplicit vocab and rhymes were expected. though you did put effort in creating a good storyline which is a good sign, as your stroy showed raw emotion in areas...however, you need to start thinking of using more imagery even it it's only description.

Check the link below, thanks
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=299351

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beginner ha

this was wrote as a song lol wen i was 10 yrs old and ive wrote countless oms

look me up as il' romeo. to see ma better oms

hmmmmmmm