Letters Turn Into Merder.

Make the victim scream their lungs out
Enjoy the moment enough to make em shout
Return the body to the home which they live
Destroy the thought of getting go to forgive
Enter the firery depths of hell where you'll stay
Renew your start to where merder is how you play


Cut their body down to where they cant run
Act as if you just want to have a lil bit of fun
Under their jacket may be a wire, destroy it
Get away from the police which can give you shit
Hunt down another voctim which will renew the game
The police have you now and now begins your fame

Kill or be killer, the police give you no choice
Is that what you want the world to here from your voice
Lose your life and then you'll have nothing to do with shame
Lose this world to pain and then they will all remember your name
Enjoy the final 10 seconds of your life, you'll die soon enough
Dead? Yes but your name will make other killers more tough

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...17#post4650217
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...23#post4650223

Get your thoughts out.

Rise.

I've seen the topic used before, in a better way, you had nice flow, you could've used more complex lines, decent vocab it wasn't that strong, the emotion was there in some of your lines...

my favorite line:
Hunt down another victim which will renew the game
The police have you now and now begins your fame

I felt that line really said something about serial killers,the aspect of murder for fame is a really good point to work on and you pointed it out nicely, you worded the piece well, this drop was dull at some parts, you stayed on topic though, the structure made it easy to read, you just need to use more multis, and take more time on an open mic, it was an alright drop overall though...keep it up...

if you could return the favor
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=298517
thanks

Hittin it now man.

Rise yo.

Rise pls.

This was much more of a poem ...it lacked the complexity to ve viewed as a overpowering topical piece...the idea has been used..n i didnt see to much originality other than ur structure which was nice lil touch.

overall..the lines were basic, within you didnt use much internals,wordplay..etc

keep up the work...n keep on elevating

peace

Umm thanks.

Sorry came acrossd a lil harsh...
..basically what i was trying to say was poetry n topical are very different..and this imo would be better descripted as poetry.

keep up

thankyou.

meh.. this should be in poetry section

it was decent, but it was lacking creativity. it was boreing to read, so to do that, other than get a new topic, you have to add multies or shorten your lines, and make it a story. story telling is SO much easier than writing poetry, plus, it give the readers something to understand, here you were just saying the steps of murder i guess. with more practice you'll elevate. keep writing.

and could you look out for my piece called "On We Go"

I think you'll enjoy it.