shit..keep dreamin

not what you expected..

the beat drowns out the silence,
sittin in my seat, downin my alliance
bitches all up in my finance,
while the devil all up in my right hand
so frightnin', indespite them
haters- i fight them, Cuzzins- i luv 'em
others, i say fucc 'em, during a flowin influction
ease memories of hard shit, not like this song could
a hostage in darkness, 'cuz its easy to do a wrong good.
.iight

if this title to yall, i offend in a way
im not sorry,
it adds to shit at the end of the day
its shit when ya boys start a free
'til i stop in a freeze frame along with my arteries
emotions catch up, til u glimse & caught a scene
which makes me want to have the labodamy
thoughts are thought as fickle figments,
riddled visions
so my eyes blurred during the pixels shiftin',
the ashy skies in an astoundin scale although
we know the skies were bluer, a thousand years ago..
fucc a future, we die, the end... no later than sooner
pollution from a voice sets standerds to fewer
but mother earth is a god dependin on how u view her
why dream clouds?..
when you wake a few feet above the sewers
.
.
shit.. keep dreamin
and savour memories before you leave em
take with you, your angels and your demons
you dont need religeous ideas to deepin'
to know u were put here for a reason
steady seekin... then stained with a heavy treason
failed dealt to me by an answer dazed by my stealth
my life betrayed by myself....
wonderin when it'll be my turn in the urn
a bloomin darkness, yet im still a fern
this is titled shit, and i expect it in return...

if this title to yall, i offend in a way
im not sorry,
it adds to shit at the end of the day
its shit when ya boys start a free
'til i stop in a freeze frame along with my arteries
emotions catch up, til u glimse & caught a scene

yeah that was cool poetics.was feeling that.

flow was good and delivery was on point...........font was a bit harsh.......good stab at sum visual imagery tho f'sho........... and vocab was nice.......sum nmice aliterations as well was poppin off..... rhymes was mostly 1. . not 100 on the last line ending like that, but all in all a nice drop still i say

stay 1 pz

I'm sorry but I just have to startoff in a negative not dude. That font is horrible,I really didn't like it at all. But once I got past that ,the actual content of this peice wasn't too bad,I think you could be a very good writer if you continue to drop, I don't think I've ever seen you drop in here before,and I would definitely encourage to post OMs on a more regular basis,and read the Tutorials to help you elevate. The flow in this peice was on target and I liked the concept that you were going with,it was nice. The topic is so so...but you did a good job with it. Lmao I actually really liked the last line,I don't know why,it just made me laugh. You had decent vocab, and your rhyme scheme was fine in my opinion,so yea you've got all of the basics down. You attempted visual imagery and did quite well too,but I think you could elevate a bit more with your imagery. I liked reading this and didn't get bored,so yea I think this is quite a good peice...you should drop in here more often, much props dude.peace.

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