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jealousy is envy
peering thru my window the 1st second i sensed the fear in you
queer twitchin moves as u jump n scatter showing the deer-in-u
runnin to ya car stumbiling over bushes showin the beer in you
i enter. coming outta the showdows ya face turning adherent blue.
my duce 2 cocked back, right at cha temple i aim at
but decide to unload under your chest right into ya six pack
strap some duct tape around ya wrists behind ya back.
answers ta my questions needa b solved quicker then sheffield swingin a bat.
whys this cat unstraped enterin a niggas flat, dudes lucky i didnt twist his cap
kickin him in the kitchen as my baby mommas screamin n bitchin
sayin its her cousin from way back n hes just visitin.
but i can't listen so many thoughts goin thru my head as im rippin
the duct tape off his face thinkin no words better be missin.
dudes body is twichin, coughin up blood words mumblein like n egyptin
screamin why the fuck you at my house at 2 oclock in the mornin
my voice tremblin n roarin, askin him again cuz the next shot'll b perment
my baby's crys are lurin in, my cheatin wifes words chirpin in
kickin him in the stomach tryn to get this bitch to get a fuckin word in
finnally, slowly speakin this storry definetly made my stomach weaken
explain that he just caught his wife red handedly cheatin
it was their anniversery he was gunna surprise her wit a trip for the weekend
in the bahamas drinkin champagne, steadily beating, and good eating.
see he had got outta work 4 hrs late at around 12
sposed to meet his wife at a nice italian spot on the corner of elm.
figured she was furious he bought a bundle of roses n a bottle of belve
cuz the illustrious happenings definately put him deep at the bottom like hell
so he raced home smile on his face bumpin that song from mobb deep n 112
pulled up to his crib motionin the door open slowly like he was dopin
it smelt like burnt ganga and somethin a lil bit like lotion
hopin his wife was still wide awake or even had her eyes a lil bit open
as he got deeper into his kingdom he could see some nike sneakers
embeded in the thong he bought his wife from victoria secrets last easter
see them shoes were cheaper n def. a couple of sizes deeper
hollowness entered his abdomen like 1000 african men comin after him
turnin the color of plastered vents, hearin giggles echo ripped into him
so he motioned his head witnessin actions that made himself wanna be dead
tip-toeing to his 45 stashed right under his baby daughters bed
runnin out the house, screechin his tires as he left
death enters his head as hes gasping tryin to catch his breath
parkin next to the projects when they were kids n first met.
cockin back the hammer wit the hammer pressed to his chest
sweat drippin off his finger, switchin the gat to his left
countin back from ten, thinkin what the fuck happend to them
9, remeberin when time they would climb trees seein what they would find
8, thinkin how the relationship was great n how she should be put on a stake
7, remenisin when they were 11, kissin was the closest he would get to heave
6, feelin sick wonderin what the fuck she would think
couldnt even reach 5 wonderin who could be callin him at this time
hearin his cousin's gentle voice was definetly one of a kind
soothin at the right time, askin what he's doin, speech speedin tryin to lie,
tellin her that he needed to talk he had a lot on his mind
he entered my house n unloaded unable to speak sobbin n choakin
my baby momma given him all the possible soothin n loathin.
his storry ends like that, unable to speak he trembles n passed out
unable to speak i puke like that exorsist bitch possesssed by deamons
silently screamin realizin that i commited homicide brings tears to me
feelin light headed, not knowin what to do this situations scarin me
aimin my pistol contimplating killin my family, hell nah actually
cock back envisionin the grim reaper starin wit a slim grin
click clack no turnin back my brains splatter commitin a horrible sin.
uppin for comments
:realist:
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bad structure, try to shorten your lines so it makes it easier to read you know...........................
his storry ends like that, unable to speak he trembles n passed out
unable to speak i puke like that exorsist bitch possesssed by deamons
silently screamin realizin that i commited homicide brings tears to me
feelin light headed, not knowin what to do this situations scarin me
liked those lines, seems like you got some deep shit
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The structure wasn't all that great, but nontheless, the whole piece is still very good. Seems like it would be a pretty nice track to record.
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good looking out man still uppin gimme some critiquin
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I agree with the rest the structure is poor. But the piece was an enjoyable read for me. Your vocab wasnt as good as it could be but the piece was a good read. You had a steady flow nearly all the way through, u stayed on topic and that made the piece ayt. This was a nice piece and i felt it.
Your structure needs to be sorted. Maybe u shud try shortening your lines a lil and making the whole piece fit better, but serious apart from that this was a good piece.
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good looks yeah imma try to make my lines shorter i think that would def. make my structure better but UPPPPPPPPPPPPPIN cmon ya'll just take the time n read it
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