Jasebelle Njoi

To my daughter I love you baby.....I know
I hide it alot cause your a weakness....NO
From age 15 to now I knew I wanted you
Didn't have you till the 2nd month n true
Your mom didn't believe it wasnt my emotion
To have you on the 21st that was God's notion
I know your mine n' the story is long baby
But the ending is sweet...Lettin 'u know is crazy




The room was dark.basically a section 8 hospital
Thought of her health in this house and all........
..........But I never thought twice about my child
Why should she suffer for my ways and the while
It was worth the wait is she cute,she's gorgeous
I can't cry but the entire room did it for us........
.....................Now I'm a father but the goes on
Mortgage is off payment n' I'm losing these songs
Why does my heart hurt no medical problems rite?
Jasebelle is crying,she's lonely,it's gon be a long nite
But I'm a father,I can handle it,why be a bad man
My father told me that children 'r sacred.....Damn
He never lied,I never tried,But it this just gets harder
Her mother is stressing n' wants to go to the boarder
The fight was long....But I'm not givin up..she's mine
Jasebelle Njoi time for to make your choice it's a wrap
The mother bribed her with toys...........fuck her trap
Now here is the conclusion,Lil'Njoi stopped n thought
About who was there at nite,who was food brought
By?Me that's who n' still is cause she chose me.......
..Now you see the father is the God in the child eyes..
.................................................. ...........Finally
The story ended?To be honest no she still is here
Daddy this Daddy that I love you Daddy....I care
To be the best Daddy That's what it feels like n
I cry at night now.....................For now The End


I'ma try n' take to back when I was best I'ma call this one
Njoi'd the Vacation:

I'm psychotic never been 'sane,you feel me now
Fuck him fuck her I'm not leavin can't go down
A tourney is brewin,Im topical n' I aint leavin
I'm like I'm here n I'm there N' they're sleepin
Slippin on your blood....it's the net bitch wtf
Not the initial but what the fuck is up bruh
Leave me on the thread alone n I got visitors
My mind is feminine.........sike but can feel her
Im not dope ya heard...never said I was but im here
Ill spit wack cause I dont give a fuck...been there
1 line with big words?I've done that its so easy
Simplistic words make catatrosphic topics sleezy
Last 2 lines its ok Ima be here for RB till its shut down
Beginning words?Word.Cant take my respect now

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=296031
Link #1
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=296648
Link#2

that was a pretty decent piece... i remember you very well from back in the day although this piece was nothing like what i remember u used 2 b capable of... you were so much better lyrically back then it seems, but this piece seems 2 me that it wasn't all about that really and it was more about the deep emotion... i can tell this was an important topic 2 you and the main purpose was to get your point out and not worry about the structural elements that really make a piece, but this turned out just fine even though it was lacking most of them... the rhymes were very good, a little simplistic though you may need 2 work on that a lil bit... no multis really, but in these deep emotional type pieces it is not essential... vocab and imagry was outstanding, and so was the structure and flow. one thing i did not like about it though is to see all the ".............................." i dont believe they should b used in text battles let alone OM's unless they obtain a big significance or posess some sort of suspense element.

all in all it was a pretty good piece... if u can return the favor and hit up my new OM In The Candle Light it would b greatly appreciated. i havent got it up in my sig quite yet so jus take a look in the OM's page.. good work

Wow......................Thank You. That was the most detailed feed back I've received since........Elemental was on here. N I already left feed in yours.Lol Im just that quick.

Thank You
N
Upp

Ack dude. FallenAngel... What happened? I had you in my crew "Defiant Lyricists" a long time ago, and you were doper back then. I really didn't like this piece. Probably the only thing nice enough to be noticed was your imagery, and that was pretty much it man. Seriously, I did not like your selection of vocab. It was very basic, and I felt like you could've expanded so much more, dude. I did catch you attempting some multies, and metaphors, and they jumpstarted your imagery, and the emotion really did catch me. This is definitely not your best work man. The concept has been used over and over, and knowing you, I expected more.

All in all, fine piece. Average.

Please leave feed on "Flipside" in Poetic Scriptures.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FallenAngel

Wow......................Thank You. That was the most detailed feed back I've received since........Elemental was on here. N I already left feed in yours.Lol Im just that quick.

Thank You
N
Upp

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well i hate it when people leave crappy feed in which you can take nothing from it so i leave good feed so people can improve

Last verse has just been added. Hope its like my old days.