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iran's nuke plans
irans nuke plans are divised by 1 man
inside of saddams mini van high off adavan
or you think it could be uncle sam chillin in maryland
nah its definately osama bin laden hidin out wit taliban.
cuz saddams definately incompetent wearing his spongebob underwear.
in jail gettin raped repetedly until his asshole gets teared.
ya see in iraq they strap explosive backpacks to cats
n have em walk into laundry mats wit anthrax viles attached
and blast, exploding, killing mothers with a baby on their lap
they pussy, having planes run into the twin towers like that
cuz when we go to iraq they put their hands up, droppin they gats.
i think george bush know the plans since 98
he just wants to wait, thinkin killin his own people is great.
cuz he dont give a fuck till its too late.
"waging war on terrorism" to him is just his presidential campaing fate.
but i think the real problem (george bush) needs to be put on a stake.
have rocks thrown at his face,
decapitate his body have it thrown all over the place.
look at hurricane katrina, and i aint even gonna mention fucked up FEMA.
straight havin his people suffer, his actions juvinile n misdemenor.
i say impeach that nigga cuz his actions def. worse then bill gettin a cleaner
ill straight squat on his face n give him a mean ass steamer.(haha)
feedback PLEASEEEE
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uppin for feedback why i never get any dam
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Upppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppin!
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kk u have alot of elevating to do... when i saw the title in the OM thread i was like hey this could b a decent piece then once i read it i was a little disappointed... i was hoping for a serious and meaningful type of verse and this was more comical and pointless.... you had good consecutive rhymes in there, but i think it could have used a little more work on the multis, try and rhyme the last 2 or 3 words at the end of each line instead of just the last one... also ur rhymes are too simplistic, anyone can rhyme cat and hat do you know wut i mean... the structure was way off, and it effected the flow greatly, try and make all your bars the same size, it looks better and it helps the flow dearly... i can see you made an effort on your vocab and u put some more advanced words in there here and there but you need to be more consistent with it... imagry and emotion really didnt apply in this piece because it was more of a joke around type verse so im not gonna critisize about that...
keep it up and keep practicing... leave some feed on the link in my sig.
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Not that great. Not that good at all. These issues should be dealt properly, Your verse makes you seem like a six year old high on adrenalin.
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This was lame. Contectually everything just battled itself the whole time. You're speaking on wordly issues with a immature and child-like cassualty that just makes you seem ignorant rather than intellectual. I mean, had you divised some huge metaphor and disquised the issue within something immature, that would have been cool... But you just left us with this mass of choatic nothingness to sift through. Didn't like it at all man. I suggest skimming around the forum and learning some new techniques.
I'd apreciate it if you could return the favor:
As Seen on Tv!
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=295345
