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the fight
I could of easily taken my life by now
shattered hopes and broken dreams keeps me down
im depressed
from this stress
i need rest
it feels like ive got a bomb straped to my chest
i feel i should of died a birth
i havent a worth
no one seems weather or no i live
becuase in the end youll be cursed for the blood you give
i feel tempted to throw my life away
die an early death some how some way
in my head i comteplate
weather or not to wait
let my life run couse
see if its good like yours
that much i doubt
me and deaths angel keep having this verbal bout
hes beatong me into submisson
im in an inevitable posistion
and i feel so much anguish
for death in anxious
therefore
im left tore
weather or not to care anymore
commit private execution
i think im losing
grasp of life
im gone i lost the fight
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Listen you need to up a few things, first have some more complexity in you piece as well as word play. Your rhymesceme is very simple which you need to up on. Once you do that you can start building up your creativity. once you get the basics down you can start moving onto more complex and advance techniques of writing. This seems very barebones.
But on a plus it has EMOTION!
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yeah it was a pretty bad piece...lines were everywhere...the topic was pretty dull...your rhymes were terrible and I felt nothing of what you were saying....you need to elevate then come back...
2/10
plus...you need to leave two links...
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diss was aight. topic was interesting.
flow was off. structure was as well.
rhymes were good. this was a good read.
i liked it. just need to work on flow really.
peace~
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Rules & Lessons in Feedback<< LINK.
I HAVE TO HARSH ON YOU ALL NOW.
READ THE RULES.
CLOSED.
Reason: No Links.
-Brix.
