"In the Shadows of the Living Room"

In the shadows
of bowing minutes
counting finger tips
... "1,3,6" finished.
Ceiling tiles, 817
dot holes to each;
80 square feet
of carpet, there are
ten ants farming
the crumbs of each.

Tic

Tic

Tic

Clockwork spectator.
Today's game
.... is taking forever.
The room now,
tipped upside down.
Which is down? Is up?
What's the ground?
The blood's sent,
kissing my forehead.
Towards the window,
a touch of willow's
sorrows find a pillow,
on the tilwood deck.

Tic

Tic

Tic

Open every cabinet
at least three times,
I'm not even hungry
... Who'd a guessed?
Sifting the dimlit
dining room politics.
I haven't picked up
my foot for one step,
against this humdrum
day's degrading chest.

Tic

Tic

Tic

The wall has held
almost all my awe.
It doesn't burn when
my eyes begin to fall
blinklessly along the wall
for hours, now tears
stay clear as all
the rims of vision
begin to blur along
an oblong peripheral.

Tic




Tic

Tic

6 hours in this
damn house is,
starting to pronounce.
Starting to bloom
scars on thought.
I've over thought
every single gently
scribbled heart beat
to the point of palpitation.

I'm slowly dying inside.
The rain shook hands
and took the reigns,
before it began to cry.

The depression is hollow;

Lost in the plume
of sickening hypochondria,
I erode in the dueling
shadows, of the living room.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=290654
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=291669

Wow the imagery was sick. I like the concept; very original. The rhymescheme and structure was interesting and i liked the tic's even though i didn't see the point in them... is it supposed to be the sounds made in the shadows? anyways even tho i liked this, i'm not sure what the main point of the piece was and what u were trying to get across.. like to me it's about how ur in the living room extremely bored so ur thinking a lot about it's features including the shadows which u are trying to avoid.. am i kinda correct? anyways keep this kinda shit up.

Return the favor in my sig.. there's a link to "is it a sin to kill an insect?"... my most recent open mic.

this one was nice. you described every detail of feeling and the imagery was to close to perfect to say it wasnt. this is a dark peice but the concept is so original. i really enjoyed this... pat yourself on the back lol. good job man keep it up.

Ya, I wrote this because over here in CT we had two weeks where it rained non-stop. So I was just stuck in the house doing nothing and just slipped into a really weird mood. So I decided to create a piece that was just slow moving and created an atmosphere of that same bordom and experience for the reader. And the 'Tics' were a clock. Thanks for the feedback and I'll reply shortly.

this reminds me of the first 3 pages of the cat and the hat....

Anyways this was an excellent piece. Everything was on point. Especially your imagery,there was a crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy amount of great details and vivid ideas. Your bordom had an almost cinematic quality; I could really picture lackluster actions scene by scene. Like I've said countless times...you really have a knack for discription, and an even bigger one for placement. Your wording is always crafty and perfectly organized to position potential for the ut most impact. All in All this piece was nothing short of amazing...ill quotable from top to bottom.

Favorite Stanza:
Open every cabinet
at least three times,
I'm not even hungry
... Who'd a guessed?
Sifting the dimlit
dining room politics.
I haven't picked up
my foot for one step,
against this humdrum
day's degrading chest.

^boy you make the rest of us look bad......fuckin asshole!!!


p.s. - check my latest when you get some time.


peace.

Thanks alot Ledge, And all the links have been fed.

dizope piece man... very poetic feel to it, and the imagery was very good as well, the description was immaculate, i could feel you sitting there and being bored.. i hate being bored goddamn! anyway, the emotion was good due to a real life experience. you also aesop-rockdified this simple concept by using good wordplay and better word usage and vocabulary, very poetic piece for such an original and simple topic

hit up "Life In An Inkblot"... the link is in my sig

This was Tight, I love the portrait imaginary. So your expressing your boredom, If so, the Emotion was tight, I could feel the character. The "Tic" was also good, it was like being in a movie and every time I read the "Tic" it was like a dramatic music was playing in the background, Lol. The concept is kinda played out, but the way you approached it, was refreashing. Nice Piece, Keep it up.

This has to be poetry at its best...A La Edgar Allen Poe...Your detail in the imagery was ill intended...I love the "Tic"s of the clock, gives you an idea of the hollow sound you here from the clock on the wall when your all alone an silent and the only sound comes from the single clock dangling in your living room, its almost a haunting sound if you know what i mean...ill piece...

some of the better imagery ive seen on one of these pieces nice structure very deep man i liked it alot

8/10




go drop some feedback on my battle vs da merking stick

Thanks alot for all the feedback. I'll have those favors returned later today.

wow dis was a very good piece . now i c where u were comin form leavin feed on my piece. ur imagery was very good . had me feelin as if i were apart of it or livin wat i read. dis was a very creative piece very different. i liked the way u set dis up also. nice an very different piece. i liked ur title choosen for dis which fit perfect. nicest om i've seen so far.

damn.

Imagery is your main positive effect in this peice. creativity is also on a level of your own.

last stanza really took this to a point of perfection, One stanza i would change is;
The wall has held
almost all my awe.
It doesn't burn when
my eyes begin to fall
blinklessly along the wall
for hours, now tears
stay clear as all
the rims of vision
begin to blur along
an oblong peripheral

Was dope, but compared tot he res it seemed some what like a filler. (own opinion)

Overall dope peice bro. Stay dropping solid.

peace
1

It was a really interesting peice...you made it exciting in a non-over the top way...to where I wanted to keep on reading it...it was worded great...the concept and topic of the drop was very original...making verse really did keep me more into it...I will take all your advice...I also have to note...that how ever little the "tic tic tic" piece was...I thought that was a good way to symbolize the passing of time in an idle state...great drop man...I look forward to reading many more...

i liked it felt the vibe of it it was nice