When an Angel Cries

When an Angel Cries....

All lives come back,giving death...something they didn't want yet
sulfur rain burns the flesh,and distracts the victim by a new concept
the utter birth,of a sweet joy then a shed of a single tear
a mist of it comes swiftly,and is witnessed in a single year
the kiss of death..which recquires a set of puckerd lips
the cheeks of a sucker fish,and the request of another wish
make much of the tragedy of a turning point in the life time
the longest veine,obviously it's main,now reffered to as the life line
the passion erupts the heart,shackles burst,and thats first
the angel cries fiercely,from the first death to the last birth
cash...worth is little in theholy grounds of the angles terains
for when he cries it rains,and it hits souls cuasing them to revise pains
Commitment to the dirtiest thief and crime lord a thug
as that angels need is much more than a healing drug
a vital substance in the tube of life it's now called for saving him
the names he remembered,in his heart and litteraly ingraving them
bloodlust long trust and no tusk as an elephant,he remain celibit
and then again cries for the hell of it,the event is irrelevant
Then as the conclusion a fact or theory,the truth become lies
Now down in a lyrical BIBLE this is "When an Angel cries"



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=294363

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=294368

good drop. you had nice structure, and honestly that helped your flow tremendously. I loved your multies, you had countless multies in every line, and that probably moves you from the average catigory, and moves you with the more experianced writers. as far as the topic goes, it has been used countless times and you got off topic. remember, if you want to get noticed for great topicals, you have to stay on topic, and throw a unexpected twist at the end to throw everyone off, and leave them wondering or thinking. keep up the good multies, i loved the flow.

dont forget to check out my collab with Nacho Libre.

pz

this was a good drop, the flow was okay, the structure was iight, i liked the vocab it pretty good, the story line was nice, the imagery was good, the wordplay u had in a couple of your lines were nice, i liked the OM, it was creative and written nicely, keep it up Lick Wid.

thanks yall uppin.

uppin this here please.

What's up?

Played Topic and Concept, used many times like castra said. I liked the flow though, and don't pay any attention to structure it limits your creativity, but keep your syllable counts in a acceptable pace. The multi's were cool. Your wording was Ok, I felt that you've could've done more with this Topic, Like cas said, add a twist or use metaphors, similies ect ect something that'll describe more in detail and put out more emotion in your character. Overall Ok Drop, I advise you to 'think before you write'.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=295605

Return a favor. Thanks.

thanx man......up.

nice ,ultie rhymers n flo u got f'sho/////. concept was a bit bleh..... did hav sum nice touches of poetry.. got a bit repetotove on certain words. but worded and worked well i reckon. just gotta keep adding mo originality. for a fresher reading........ metaphors cud maybe be straightened out a little.....yo got potential to write sum hot ones tho..... keep em poppin

1

keep em poppin

thanx for the feed uppin.