A Catastrophe of a Broken World

A Catastrophe of a Broken World

Shattered glass rains down upon those most unfortunate
As those of great power seek to destroy everything fortunate
A world full of hate and greed seeks to find refuge from itself
A world used to struggle and pain sees the end of itself
Blinded by selfish views and the need for up to date news
Those who project the bad of the world and aim to confuse
Wrapped up in only themselves and unaware of the present
A world that has no constant peace and calm is all but evident
Mushroom Clouds and Gas Chambers times the mind never forgets
Individuals of whom experienced these times only think about regrets
Humans who single out people for the colour of thier skin
Those who judge the outside and forget to see within
Gaza Strips and young girls with no lips have to survive each day
Black people at a bus stop thinking how much more do i have to pay?
Innocent animals being captured and slaughtered for measly profit
The Black market and illegal trade no one thinks to stop it

WARNING

People turn to their television sets as the evil media announces a threat
A hundred meteors heading for this Broken World theres no time to fret
A Blinded World never thought that thier destruction would not be their own
People cry and renounce thier sins but too late now our end is set in stone

And then there was silence... as the time started ticking away
People staring at the sky locked together starting to sway

As I walk along the white cloud high above I move the meteors nearer
Time to end this cruel world i created and set my vision clearer...



Links:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=293921
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=293855

would like some feed please... up..

Ok...

an ok piece here. Content wise pretty good you stayed
consistant with it. Wild guess here but your Christian right?
just from the point of view angle you took.

The perspective,..

"People turn to their television sets as the evil media announces a threat
A hundred meteors heading for this Broken World theres no time to fret
A Blinded World never thought that thier destruction would not be their own
People cry and renounce thier sins but too late now our end is set in stone"

^Of those lines...

Other lines as well. Anyways ok content. You could have
made this piece much longer which would have made it
more effective if you would have touch on different subjects.
Vocabulary and rhyme scheme needs a touch up.
If those elements were more present this piece could
have been way better. Overall a decent drop.


Stay writing and thanks for the feed earlier

this was pretty good, you had some pretty good imagery but it could have been written wit more ideal thoughts, the vocab was aight but it could have been better you need to improve on that. but overall it was iight but could have been much better and a lil bit better vocab and imagery, keep it up 7/10

Rules & Lessons in Feedback<< LINK.


I HAVE TO HARSH ON YOU ALL NOW.
READ THE RULES.
CLOSED.

Reason: Feedback is poor, mate.

-Brix.