Harmony

Yes happiness is just a state of mind
But sadness is just a waste of time
But only if the situation is actually fine
And it's true what they say, love is blind
It's just too bad your eyes aren't
Pessimist are like roaches they come out during the dark
When's the love gonna start?
People are scared of taking love apart
Like it was laying in the mouth of a shark
I'm tryna leave my mark
Till God stops my everbeating heart
And sprinkles it across the biterness of the streets
Blanketing the hardships that make my people grit their teeth
You ain't a winner when your gracious in defeat
Don't act invincable, you burn in the heat
In all the thoughts manifested in your mind
The dark times don't amount to the hard times
Funny how after doing hard time criminals let there heart shine
So when their heart shines in let's the dark shine
Life don't give you time to unwind
So you gotta keep tryin
We're in the same boat, we're all born dyin
I just wish we were born flyin
But it's the trials and tribulation that made you who you are
And the fact that you were'nt born with wings is why you got this far
It's because they're so far away is why I shoot for the stars
Success is taking the bus to go buy you a car
Emptyness is lonely like a solo mission to mars
Some people find freedom, while they're trapt behind bars
And some people want fame, to be larger then life
But at some point they loose that, you can see it in their eyes
It's funny how people don't even know why they're alive
But in the end they'll do almost anything to survive
Love, is when 2 hearts metaphysically collide
In the ghetto it's accepted when a child gets left behind
Lifes a race against time I have so much to accomplish
And the things I have done ain't nothin to what'll be deomlished
These days you cant say shit, cause most people aint honest
And how could you not do it today, when tommorow ain't promised

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...11#post4500011
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...48#post4500048

Alright you had some ok emotion in this piece, however your flow was a lil rocky in the building it seemd choppy....i think throughout the piece you lacked some complexity in ur lines such as internals,wordplay,multies etc. however you had a good basic format down..with good thoughts..just ur wording needs some complexity...however it was a heart felt piece, that can touch a heart regardless of how it is read..just cuz u get the same message out there, but the quality is a little downplayd.....not bad for a first drop on here....(i assume).... but yes you have some work!....but keep ur head up..

favorite lines:
These days you cant say shit, cause most people aint honest
And how could you not do it today, when tommorow ain't promised
^enjoyd ur closer..cuz it makes ya think a bit

I appreacite the feedback, and yea its my first verse on this site, but ive been rapping for like 2 months so I got a couple more. And ill be looking out for some of your om's, lets get some more feedback Ill return the favor I like reading new shit...

Up.

up.