memories of a time.....

~*PsYcHo*~
i open my eyes now 109 years old and i start to remenisce the past
it brings a tear to my eye as the memories are fading fast
i don't now how long i have left in this empty place but my memories are there to last
the place i once new is lost, i hope it will never return not once not never
but that happy and sad place will keep those scenes within...... forever
those fields of gold that i i new so well claimed so many souls
the fields are healed now but not in my mind it will alwayz be filled with dark holes
me and my fallen colleagues have our own history in this epic tale
my colleagues if they are still out there somewhere they would image me so old and frail
those people won't so different from us they did as they were told
the government didn't tell them though that their lives had already been sold
the government took all their lives, they took all my brothers and sisters
you people don't really understand just what we sacraficed for you all misses and misters
never have i seen so much owned to so few
let me ask you a question if you had the choice to go or stay please tell me wat you would do?
at the end of the day we were all there to die there weren't any armies or teams
my life is over now but still i live in peaceful dreams
i can still today hear the orchestra playing, see the flags fly so high, and hear the choir boys and girls sing
but i'll tell you one thing my friends if i lived this life again i would'nt change one single thing!!
.

i really tryed lol please leave feed on where i have gone wrong.......

plz leave feed...................

fuk me wer u bite that frm?

what do you mean where did i bite that from ???

you herd

wat umean tho i bit it i didnt bite i made that up!!! wat do you think ???

this is a nice drop multi usage was str8 i would just say up your vocab a little bit make this piece a little more complex i was really diggin the title and the way it flowed... you stayed on topic some lines were stretched but i was able to catch on this was a very uniquely situated drop... Keep it up

thanx hun!! more feed plz..........

uppin........

yo this was good really good flow and consistent with it to great job on that the concept was fine and i could see some more poetic lines in there which is always good vocab was decent i think it was better towards the middle the wordplay was nice good usage so overall good peice keep it up
plz leave feed on my om in ma sig

uppin..............

not that great, it was really basic in my eyes, the vocabulary was below average,the structure was even off, the emotion was decent, the imagery was also below average, i think you need to elevate alot, decent concept but thats all, i didnt like this,however u have potential piece

flow was good for tha most part but I felt at points u tried to force tha rhyme in vocab and creativity were decent u're strongest point was imagery and emotion that kept this peice readable keep up tha good work though

blah ... either this was bit .. or you have good topical talent!

Your Multies & Rhyme was all good .. very complex .. the structure and flow was ite .. jus needa fixx it up a bit .. but yeh .. gud drop =/