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Such a Lady
This is a poem i wrote for my best friend and his girlfriend at a point in time when she was thinking of leaving him ....
Such a Lady
The beauty that shows even from your distinct apparel makes way for decent lovers
Your expressions loud and vibrant to me but yet it is not visible to others
Fear of love and friendship I appall you with my careful and concerning ways
My heart in your hands all the while LOVE is what the discerning portrait conveys
Lady, you are what makes me feel nothing wrong could happen
Lady, you’re also what makes me accept the wrong that happens
Lady, I’d give my life for you because you’re all that matters
Lady, whenever you decide to say goodbye is when my heart will shatter
Come with me distinguish our love from the lies of harshness and reality
Am I mistaken ? Or will you say yes re-grant me sanity now you’re my own fatality
Through in climate weather you’re like my umbrella you keep me from the rain
Disdain, pain, belief you help me to re-gain but from you my soul shall not refrain
Lady, you are my sunshine without you my world is dark
Lady, you are the key to the sacred door of my heart
Lady, you are the thoughts inside my very cerebrum
Lady, you’d be the love of the world should I ever share with them
Lady, you are the peace I feel when things just seem to go my way
Lady, your consciousness of the world around you makes me wish you’d say…
I love you for life, please stay with me forever
Lady, let yes escape my lips when they ask if we’re together
Lady, be the one who brings new life and assurance to my name
Lady, be the one who makes me proud to say she’s who I claim
Come with me love me until death do we part forever you shall be my baby
Come with me share my love choose to love me and never treat me shady
Choose to pick me over anyone, as if I were drowning you could save me
Take the time to understand your grace, wonder, and sensuality, YOU ARE SUCH A FUCKIN’ LADY!
links :
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=293268
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=293333
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This is nice Nena. I liked it. Your flow of it was iight and your structure was good. I also like your use of vocabulary and the use of our crew name. lol. Good job Nena. I think you have potential. keep writing.
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upz DAMN DONT SLEEP ON THIS NOW!
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I liked this piece.....you could feel the emotion....the vocab was aiight...the flow was on point and the imagery was cool.... the structure was great .... overall I'd say that it was a good read.... and the topic was different ...... really grabbed my attention .....good shit thou....Keep it up ...... The Skills are There...
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why this is quite deep i lyked it it had good structure and flow the vocabulary i thought waz excellant and you could really feel the emotion as some one above sed this piece really did grab your attention i ebjoyed readin this keep it goin.......
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This is real nice...you really could feel the emotion [/repeated, I know] but I'm serious. Tears in the eyes...tears in the eyes.
Really good work
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this was an ok piece i'll grade u tough cause u show potential u r structure was booooo see how its so stretched out an the lines aren't even and because of ur uneven lines the flow was off and choppy vocab w as decent imagery was below par but when u did use good vocab u used it properly and i jus felt this piece was too short write longer to express us self more overall goood attempt keep writing hit my om forrbidden desire if u can find it lol
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this peice was cool nice imagery and emotion flow was ok but could have been better but it went along with the peice so it was fine sturcture i thought was great perfect on that concept was good nice to read and the vocab was very good also nice to see
leave feed on the om in ma sig plz
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This Piece Was Deep I was Really Feeling The Emotion, Your Structure And Flow Was Off But Your Vocab Was Good. I Felt You Stretched It To Much Though.
Overall Good Attempt Keep It Up 7/10
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good strucutre...ill emotion...imagery was there as well.....i liked this piece..nothing seemed forced and you stayed on point with your story...your rhyme scheme was aiight...you had some tight vocab..not too complex but it still worked for this piece just fine....i enjoyed readin this piece...keep elevatin and droppin.~1~
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I'm thinking this should go under PS :/..oh well.
I could really see the sentimental value in this poem...The emotion was apparently there, and the title was definitely fitting...Your flow was decent, but for a poem that doesn't neccesarilly matter...I could notice your use of metaphors, and felt like you executed them nicely...The imagery was decent, room for improvement, but still nice...
Fav Part:
Come with me distinguish our love from the lies of harshness and reality
Am I mistaken ? Or will you say yes re-grant me sanity now you’re my own fatality
Through in climate weather you’re like my umbrella you keep me from the rain
Disdain, pain, belief you help me to re-gain but from you my soul shall not refrain
please RTF on "Another peice of wood in the fire."
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thankz for the feed all and ill RTF Wireless...
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ok I was feeling this piece. I thought that ya structure coulda been better tho. this piece was deep as well. I definitely felt the emotion. I aint kno you had it like that ma....Keep it up. You got alot of potential.
