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Shift_Life.
Shift_Life
Ink blotted tattered papers lie scattered
… across an old oak desk
where the broken host rests,
His Elbows sprawled n’ mind in a slow crawl, no jest
A test from within a steady, yet faint call he detests
He holds his head, thoughts being brutally mauled’
No longer conceiving how he once stood tall
His comforting bedroom, now a dimly lit eerie stall
body Naked save a tattered tribal shawl
His bony spine jutting out from the bottom
He hopes by now the world has forgot him
envisioning cockroaches and beetles circling his household
Faith Incision doctors dissecting his maggot infested soul
They wouldn’t understand that it’s beyond control
I tried to change my life… and now this is the toll…
Traveled the world… with a goal
… seeking a truth in the cancer.
Found a hole deeper, manipulating the answer
Dense clouds of misfit trauma, deemed unneeded
Yet the seeded hate bleeds into the soils bed
It was once said,
“bliss in ignorance”
and if you seek to advance and enhance
to prove it wrong…
there’s a chance you’ll fall at the dark glance
the devils dance and song
ill take my stance and believe the phrase
I sought to further my knowledge
………………... and found only a maze
in the book of the world rages
fiends lick venom off the pages
gaze across the torn landscape
the hand of death draped…
now Bombs are leaving children dead n’ in hospitals
The cost is sure, morbid minds killing at leisure…
Seizures in mental institutes
beer, liquor and prostitutes…
like the sire song of winter death, we take life
vanity backfires
… and we see ourselves amongst the strife
drugs gambling,
gang beatings leading to school shoot outs
these are humans initial greetings
……………... set out with a gurgled shout
shift life… erase the lines…
juggle words and meaning into life defined
the shine should override struggles misshapen design
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links in the morning as always :).
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Damn fool....here I go...
That was a nice piece...I don't know if you would classify it as a poem or just a topical, but either way I liked it. I can see that you have a lot of emotion and imagery in your pieces which is very good to have. I liked the overall delivery of the piece...the way you structured it and wrote it seemed to fit well. Good job...overall 8/10...but I don't know too much about poetry/topicals...just opinion.
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yea this was a good read i liked your story line and imagery u flowed well and you also made it interesting thats a big thing to me when im reading these Om's it cant be boring but yea i liked it keep doing ya thing
www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=292609
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THe closer clinched it. It brought everything together. I felt like it was just a series of images like a good sonnet, and then finally making your thesis at the end. Wonderful technique in that aspect. You had some great flow overall which I liked, so that means the rhymescheme was on point. overall great piece with a great image. I can completely view the images and sense the emotions in the piece. I love how the story line was hinted at.
RTF please if you have the chance:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=292948
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THe closer clinched it. It brought everything together. I felt like it was just a series of images like a good sonnet, and then finally making your thesis at the end. Wonderful technique in that aspect. You had some great flow overall which I liked, so that means the rhymescheme was on point. overall great piece with a great image. I can completely view the images and sense the emotions in the piece. I love how the story line was hinted at.
^^^^WERD !!!!!
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sorry i havent dropped links... had a lot going on lately... ill drop a couple and return links in a bit...
peace.
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This was one of the best works I've seen, period. I loved how you want against traditional 'structure', music comes from the heart man. Loved the way it was written, everything was flawless, good use of emotion too. Great job.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...65#post4481265
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i feel bad about not leaving links yet... but im mad... uh... busy...
*jerks off*
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i liked reading this drop. it had a good unique flow to it which i liked good shit. good imagery which went well with the nice lyrics good use of wordplay and emotion and overall i really liked this drop good shit man keep it up
peace
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