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"1st to Graduate"
His eyes shoot upward towards the sun-illuminated sky
Then he looks at his mother, who now is beginning to cry
12 years have given him all that he can claim
Knowledge, street and books, has become his game
Had been subject to harassment by others, sometimes harsh
Had to live up his family’s history, which sadly had been dark
Youngest of 4 brothers, yet carries the responsibilities of the rest
Had to pick up a brother from jail, then come home and study for a test
Wasn’t easy for him, growing up in the hood
But determination prevailed over hardships the best it could
He eyes the red carpet strewn over the green grass
The checks and readjusts the placement of his crimson sash
“Kyeshia Green...”
Beginning to perspire, He knows he’s the next person to step to the podium
And in 3 months, will leave the carnage, leave all the fucking’ pandemonium
“Dontarius Woods...”
Foot after foot, he proudly begins his walk to the stage
Knowing this diploma will begin a new page
In his life, being the first of his family
To graduate, and now he’ll go to Grambling...
He hears everybody clapping as he grasps the white bundle
Of paper that will get him out of this Drug-Infested Jungle
Grinning, with joy overflowing, he eyes his dear mother
Then spots his other siblings, who are so proud of their brother
He recollects memories, and then understands why with him their so infatuated
Because now they can claim: “My son...My brother...He has graduated”...
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okay this is a good piece all-in-all... i saw some minor flaws in it but that can be overcome simply by practice... the flow of ur piece was nice... an original topic in my opinion, there have been others like this but not quite the same... good story telling, that helped me enjoy this piece alot more... you really need to work on structure, the flow was okay in this piece so it covered for the lack of structure skills but really try to work on it... the rhymes were good, i would really like to see some more multis... you stayed on topic well but i would rather have had this piece to have more length to it so you can have more room to show a little bit of emotion... all in all keep it up... if u could check out my new piece Gone Fishing it would be greatly appreciated
~1~
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I will before long...rise..
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