The GraveYard

The graveyard is a creepy place, filled with death and coldness
Enough to make you shiver, the gravestones stand out with boldness
Resting by one..you see dead flowers, pedals fallen to the ground
Mist basically blinding me, there is nothing around, not even a sound
I look up to the sky, the moonlight is shattered into splintered shards
The tree branches in the way making it seem like a puzzle.........
But this isn't no game, the total opposite of playing cards....
I've gotten lost in the graveyard, mist blinding me, where should I go?
I steeped on a grave suddenly...knowing that someone was below...
This was turning into a nightmare or like a scary TV show.......
I just want to go home now, but which way is it, I just came to visit
Now i'm never gonna revisit because this place is way to creepy..
And the fog around me is getting me pretty sleepy, getting me weepy
I just got a vision of seeing a ghostly tipi, now I was wide awake..
Filled with caution and fright, I could see now due to the moonlight
The moonlight was shining bright, abling me to see the gate....
It was straight ahead, so i ran quickly, this was great!!!!!!
I ran down the street, onto my porch, into my house and into my room
Knowing that i would never ever think to go to the graveyard again!!!

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=292069
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=292071

uppin for some feed^^^^

aight leave some feed people i left feed on everysingle drop thats been dropped in the past 6 hours...

Hmm.. The plot was kind of aimless? It showed that you have some skill as a writer except for some spelling and lack of decent ideas for some rhymes.. But it had the foundations to be good.. Reading the first half I was waiting for something to happen, an event, a twist.. It never came.. I see you're new here, so I'm assuming you could be a new writer, in which case good work.. Keep it up.. You'll get it soon.

Thanks for the feed.

thanks for the feed dev. much appreciated

yeah, i go with that too...

words are nice but... its not enough to just rhyme the last words. aa bb. like, that sorta structure died with illmatic

thanks. uppin for more^

i pretty much got tha same opinion as the others, the topic is a lil played try to be more creative and, for loss of a better word, random with tha topics you choose...this some times helps also with the creativivty of the lyrics...this was a good OM although i can see the areas that culdve been better, although there wasnt much visualisation with your lyrics your use of vocab was quite good and almost balanced it out, but making readers see your emotion, etc makes a much better read.
overall a decent OM...nicely done...keep writing....and elevate.

thank you.

last up for today^^^