Orthograph

Standing atop a blueprint
With a fragile foundation
As my fingers developed a limp
Testing the tension's patiences
In an ocean where white currents spit
Forth from the illegitimate stepfather of creation
Rip Van Winkle with missing history pages
Painted on his marbled forhead
such as the death of a prostitute
In Venice, a legitimate merchant.
Rusted adobe houses distilled with liquid roads
Her toes half dipped polished with blood
Running from the nose. Over rapids,
Nipple buoys floated on rose petals
Left by victor who ripper her
Stomach open to feed his family
With barley leaves black with death
Pink stomach acid glowed from what was left
A meal before exile or a fine of
Infinte breath

The tale to the shape of a square
To fill each grid increment
With pieces of fare skin
Trying to create the perfect
Beauty with foundations of intellect
I created her once
With an formula of accident, chance,
and rum
She grew into the pictures I drew
For that all we owned, all she knew
Or all I knew
Until I saw a statue of my daughter
slaughtered - the prostitute

Ever since then I only reconstruct the sunrise
To give me another day rebuild the crumbled
Building of my girl's life
But it always turns to dust at sunset
When your building with what you have left- nothing


http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=291356
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=291509

Sick poetry here...Had some nice references, everything was on point, some sick description everywhere in this piece....

"The tale to the shape of a square
To fill each grid increment
With pieces of fare skin
Trying to create the perfect
Beauty with foundations of intellect
I created her once
With an formula of accident, chance,
and rum"

That was ill my friend...Your closing was sick as well. Everything was on point in this piece. Very descriptive, intellectual, above average here. Great poetry man peace.

Yo if you get a chance hit me back on my piece...thanks peace...
Summer Breeze

Fly My Child

Yea This Was A Dope Piece Bruv Fa Sho, I Like Your Style, Everything Was On Point, Good Shit, Although This Would Of Better Suited Poetic Scriptures Cuz..

okay.....hmmmm....huh....well....

This was dope, to say the least. Very, very, very poetic and mobbid, but sexual, somewhat seductive and erotic w/ gruesome overtones. Your imagery could be described as both horrorcore and provocative. This piece seemed to me as if it was the personification of torments of a vampire -A cursit beast that expresses love in the the most ungodly manners. The blood, the pain, the love, the death....hmmm...maybe I'm getting a little to carried away...not matter...cause what you have here is raw, barbaric, simple and honest emotions...as well as a very technically sound verse. All in All this was dope...2 thumbs up!

Favorite lines:

Her toes half dipped polished with blood
Running from the nose

woah!

ok ok.
first off.
this was an ok DROP!.
DOPE?!..yes by a slim thread!. the strucutre and concept yes a poetic touch understood. so whats it doing her in OM?!. it should be in poetic scriptures or some shit!.
^^
besides the point!..LOL!
this was a nice drop . alot of potential i see in you homes!.
nice emotion and imagery that cought my eye and kept me interested!. However there was some areas that could have been wrod'd better or put intomuch greater proportion! The vocab was well brought also!. your delivery and sting was meh...could use more work but the creativty picked it up!.

nice dorp homes

RTF on the link in my sig!.

Rise My Child

Horrible I give it a -3 outta 10.........good..........try...at attemptin to rap but leave it up to the professionals

Rise My Child

Fly My Child....

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ~Vertikle~

Horrible I give it a -3 outta 10.........good..........try...at attemptin to rap but leave it up to the professionals

---

Wow...lol.....What proffesionals you idiot.

Poetic..should be in poetry scriptures thread would get much more praise there..nodoubt though i liked the language and how it all tied in plus your use of imager was very well...and some lines were very very clever...the bloody nose on..i was like damn there..simply for the fact it was so gruesom it became beatiful lol...Stay up and keep dropping though..you look like a head with great great RB potential.

yeah, this is definately poetry..

I'll leave this piece open, but next time, make sure what you're leaving in this particular forum meets the requirements of an open mic/topical piece.