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"Never Let You Down"
the fee binds him, he just cant have a shallow free-mind when
realizing something other than a shadow’s behind him
a young girl; this brunette whore, whom his feelings immense for
even when shes next door his hearts still beating against her’s
with the thirst of his first love, he’d go any distance for pleasure
the instant he met her he promised to be with her forever
as her red paint-brush lips were quickly making him a art
that was amazing in the start, now breaking them apart
to the point of no return, but this one geeks a cold dude
a bold mack that’ll go back whether or not hes suppose to
but shes moved on to another, a female lover.. he sees this, its clear
dripped in tears, hes hit with fears that maybe the bitch is queer
his nerves have burst, prolly wouldn’t if he had heard of her
turns into a murderer and burns them with the furniture
the rooms up in flames, the whole scenario was something lame
but stuck with blame, he feels a huge amount of fucking pain
because he loved her, but also cause of a pact he made
that no matter what, mad or fucked.. he’d treat her ass the same
with love that is, mostly hug and kiss.. plus caress through town
his first words, not meant to hurt her were “I’ll never let you down”
dishonest, he broke his promise, or so it seems at first
thinking deep gives birth to a way for him to keep his word
so amongst the fire, noone on earth could call him liar
he picks her corpse up and holds her till hes engulfed in fire
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dude, this shit was ILL. i was really feelin the way you brought about the story. there was good creativity all through out this piece. the flow was real nice and the transitions to other rhymes really help'd it flow well. the concept was good to and the way he muders both of them was ILL and the endin cool to.
good piece man and keep droppin shit like this. o, leave some feed on this.. its BEEF!
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=290435
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intense. shit was well thought up, and VERY well executed at that. surprised that it's getting slept on frankly. it's not the best i've seen but deffinatly above average. dunno if you actually put thought and time into this, or just typed and thought on the spot. but it was good either way. these are the kind of pieces i enjoy reading. your internals/multies are great. storyline was killer..
Hit the "In Memory" OM from me ..it'll prolly be in my sig by the time you read this. peace, thanks for the read.
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thanks guys. I'll get at ya stuff right now.
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This was quite good and yeh this had a frustrated/intense feel/look to it. The first four lines made me think about the movie spiderman lol....don't ask me why, just did....however reading the rest quickly changed the feel....from cheap to sadistic...very well done there, more audish stuff here i reckon. Ending was good...overall a good piece but i believe it can be better, can't compare to your previous works as i haven't read em
Check this out, "The Hidden Diaries: Sinful Greeds", comments will be preciated
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this is a great peice, easy to read, flow was outstanding - you had alot of internals. your flow didnt fall off once. your vocab was good, but could be improved a lil. really good topic - wasnt really expecting the end to be quite like that lol, but it was good. you make it seem easy to write somthin like this. i really enjoyed this. good drop. peace.
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thanks guys
and I just hit untold's piece up.
to those who asked for me to leave feed on their pieces please leave a link to it like untold did. Im having trouble finding ya pieces and am a bit lazy. so yea if you want feed in return just leave a link.
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the fee binds him, he just cant have a shallow free-mind when
realizing something other than a shadow’s behind him
a young girl; this brunette whore, whom his feelings immense for
even when shes next door his hearts still beating against her’s
that was dope nice way to opene it
yo where to start........well i really liked this piece u had put together real well
ur flow was pretty much perfect thru tha whole piece it maybe fell off at 2 parts
tha wordplay for this was really good i didnt see it fall off
ur strutre was ok u shouldve added a good font like new roman or something it wouldve made it look better and maybe even centre it
ur lines werent stretched but some were a lil long u should work on that
ur topic was really good i dont rwead to much on this kinda topic soo it was nice to read something diffrent this was a really good piece jus like i said
plz hit up tha oms in my sig and if u want come check out GTA(link in sig)
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good looks man. getting at it now.
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Yo Big Ups Fam...4 Real This Was Hot....it Sounded More Like A Song But It Dont Matta....wen I Was Readin' It I Felt Like Eminem Was In My Head Spittin The Verse...not Sayin' Ur Em But The Fact Is Im Givin Mad Props....keep Doin You Fam....i Look Foward To Hearin More.....next Time U Got Something Like This Keep Goin Cuz U'll Get More Descriptive And It My Be In Om Hall.........u Neva Know....holla Back At Me Tho......in The Dark ........some New Shit I Got
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a young girl; this brunette whore, whom his feelings immense for
even when shes next door his hearts still beating against her’s
with the thirst of his first love, he’d go any distance for pleasure
the instant he met her he promised to be with her forever
^ real vivid lyrics
thats my favorite part.. keep it coming.. i think maybe u just need to tighten up your flow a little bit and then you'll be set good stuff
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