-
My Friend?
My Friend?
I only have a couple friends, but the biggest on of all
Is the one thats been the best to me at only one inch tall
He has no race or nationality, but trust me he is white
And when crushed up he's powder, but makes me feel just right
I've sold my life to him, I have no more possessions
Been told to stay away because he causes mad aggressions
really a small guy in structure, only weighs 10 mg's
But when I'm stacking lint, I have to beg and say please
No one knows what its like when me and hims together
Its difficlut to explain, I'll try, its kind of like stormy weather
When you first hook up, your happy that you met
With an immeadiate buzz, you smoke a cigarette
Then your legs get tingly, weak and feel like jello
But your hyper and spontaneous going up to people to say hello
You cant stop moving, its like your in a rocking chair
In actuality your on the floor, vulnerable and bare
Last effect I can remember is your eyelids feeling heavy
Then the world turns dark and crashes down like a Nawlins' levy
I've tried to get him help but to my friend I addict
Causing separation within my family, now I'm the conflict
Now I've been in this dark alley for about two years
I sometimes think of family but the pain draws more tears
In reality I'm by myself but I do not feel alone
Because I still got my best friend, his name is Methadone
-
-
DAMN, 40..
Your dope. Wow... what can i say? I thoroughly enjoyed this piece from top to bottom. Everything was on point. Your wordplay was insane, your scheme was sick, your vocab is tight and your language was crafty. Your really have on hell knack for writting.
-
upping this for some good feed
-
Great topic, and point of view...I could feel the emotion in it...Had good vocabulary, and some nice Imagery... Flow stayed steady, and it had a pretty good rhyme scheme...
FAV PART:
I've tried to get him help but to my friend I adict
Causing separation within my family, now I'm the conflict
Now I've been in this dark alley for about two years
I sometimes think of family but the pain draws more tears
In reality I'm by myself but I do not feel alone
Because I still got my best friend, his name is Methadone
Real emotional ending, left me with a few thoughts in mind..Also, you worded stuff great...dope drop.
-
thanks for feed..........upp for more
-
good take on the topic man I really like it from the beginning I could already hear it as a really good audio song nice creativity on tis one too not to meantion a decent imagery that also made me think about my friends i mean it was a great take on this topic not to mention a good topic all around nice pretty good structure too keep it up man I really like your OM's so far
-
i feel kids are kissing ur ass in here a bit.. this was alright.. dont get me wrong, it wasnt bad.. the first few lines i was thinkin' coke the whole way, which is one of my best friends. lol. but onto the verse, it was a bit simplistic, no real vocab.. rhyme scheme was too simple, ya know? imagiry was nice tho, i definatly had the gist of what drug u were talking about..
all in all, enjoyable, could have been better definatly.. potential in you? fuck yes.
keep it up.
wouldnt be to much to ask, rtf on a topical battle of mine.. in which ill rtf on another peice of yours.
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=290128
thanks.
-
^understandable............its only my second OM, im working on imagery, emotion, and vocabulary piece by piece.......thank you for your feedback though.
-
-
man you are deffinatly a great addition to Open Mic. where've you been? your mind is crazy and so on with everything. you make everything seem so abstract and all the things you write about turn out to prove a whole different point. i usually HATE pieces about drugs and shit but this was a real complex one. the beginning set it off well, making people wonder "Who is your friend?" ..then you buzzed it off with this shit:
I've tried to get him help but to my friend I adict
Causing separation within my family, now I'm the conflict
Now I've been in this dark alley for about two years
I sometimes think of family but the pain draws more tears
In reality I'm by myself but I do not feel alone
Because I still got my best friend, his name is Methadone
^that's heavy man. you're only problem i'd say it multies/internals. you need an internal rhyme scheme to make this perfect and just right. storylines and wording is one thing, you've nearly perfected it, but the internals of a piece make it stand out to the human eye. more easy to read, the whole flow of the piece. not the most perfect piece i've ever seen, but deffinatly the most decent for its topic. good job,
!Nash
-
deep shit 40, i was definately feelin the vibe of this one
it aint easy just leavin yourself open like that
i got mad friends n family with similar problems
so i can understand the point your tryin to get accross
it was writtin well, well thought out, good ryhmescheme.
keep doin what ur doin bruh
enjoyed :2thumb:
-
Thanks for the good feed everyone
BTW.....this isnt about me.....i cant afford methadone......lmao
-
yea this was nice man real emotional had me thinking about 1 of my family members but yea ya flow was nice u kept it interesting basicly in all around good read for me keep em comming
-
this was a really fascinating peice. it had exceeding imagery and emotion. the flow was coherent the whole way thru - it didnt fall off once. a good, easy, enjoyable read. i liked the way how at first you made it seem like a person, like it had its own identity. very interesting point of view. nice topic, you had a really strong conclusion so props to you on that. overall jus a good enjoyable read, not really much i can tell you to improve on. like BigNash said, consider using internals and mulitis within the peice, it will bring the whole thing together more, but very good drop. keep it up. peace.
