Inspiration for us loners...

It's easy to say... the world is not your oyster...
I need her today... but it's not like I can force her...
Surely if I.... Wait then I'll find my peace...
It's so early but why... Am I looking to be deceased...

(beat starts in. Music is upbeat, different from the slower chorus sang to no music at all.)

Overcome by my losses;
Seein' my grief she just watches,
Can't believe I can't even eat this McBuiscuit with sausage.
If that ain't the problem then what in the fuck is?
I don't care if I'm poor and won't come up in the biz.

Moral dilemmas and ethics, can I get a bed with my breakfast?
My body's fine but my wounded mind needs paramedics
Take my money and home, slap me and leave me alone
Why does this system attack me? I beat myself up on my own.

Cryin' inside so I gotta try and decide who to trust
Who's on my side and which bitch is just hidin her lust?
The things she said dancin' through my head like sugar plums
Sittin, thinkin', and brown bag drinkin' like hooded bums

I guess I otta change, completely rearrange my life
Stop smokin this thoughtless provokin weed every night
Sometimes the going is tough, see it's been a rough December
But there's a reason for being, this is one more thing I'll remember.

It's easy when I'm happy but now believe me it's awful,
I stay alone by my silent phone ever so thoughtful
But I've still got my spirit, weak people fear it and run
I took my time to be sad, but now I'm , MAD world... here I come.

(beat stops and after a few seconds, chorus is again repeated with no music. It is sang slowly)

It's easy to say... the world is not your oyster...
I need her today... but it's not like I can force her...
Surely if I.... Wait then I'll find my peace...
It's so early but why... Am I looking to be deceased...


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...45#post4398045
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...60#post4398060

^uppin for feedback

(am i that bad to never get feedback when i see other people getting like 17 responses in an hour or am i just unpopular?)

^your a virgin to the site.......the dickriders come with time.


Anyway...this was decent. It started off very very very strong, but then kind of dumbed itself down somewhere towards the middle.


Overcome by my losses;
Seein' my grief she just watches,
Can't believe I can't even eat this McBuiscuit with sausage.
If that ain't the problem then what in the fuck is?
I don't care if I'm poor and won't come up in the biz.

Moral dilemmas and ethics, can I get a bed with my breakfast?
My body's fine but my wounded mind needs paramedics
Take my money and home, slap me and leave me alone
Why does this system attack me? I beat myself up on my own.

^Okay...that was fire straight out the gates. You had a strong scheme going with very corky and witty lyrics. Your wordplay kind of had a sage francis feel to it with your own dash of originality. Everything about your opening sequence was hot. However from that point on your work somewhat declined in artistic value, at least to me, not that it was bad or anything, its just that it went from amazing and eye catching, to your everyday run of the mill OM. Its obvious you have a lot of talent, but how consistant you can be remines to be seen.

peace

To tell you the truth this was not my kind of read
I mean then topic I dont think I was really feeling
And I feel that your usage of words and delivery
could have come across allot stonger and possesive
You do have talent, but still allot of work
Multis and Mets and Sims and re-wording will make
allot better read and more exciting read for the views

Placement for me is an TOO EASY READ... meaning I dont
need to think at all to get the lines, which is not always gd

Keep it up and I'm sure your become allot better in time pz

this was weak
i didnt like your flow

thanks for feedback, and especially to philly's great 1 with the eight word response that basically indicated you "didn't like it", whatever your reasons may be, I'm comforted by your 0-3 battle record and wannabe tupac avatar that your opinion as about as valuable as pocket lint. Thanks for feedback.

This was aight, i liked some parts more than the others..... i aint gonna quote em cause it'll just make it seem as if i haven't enough comments lol, but yeah the flow was aight, got patchy some times, but then everyone has diff perceptions of flow na mean. I liked the overall message you were tryin to portray by writing this OM. SO good work and keep it up, you can only go ^UP....na mean

On another note, fuck haterz, you'll get em all the time on this site and just wait and someone will leave a responce to your work....sometimes shit gets sleeped on but don't worry just keep ya head up, na mean
Also, if you have time can ya check my OM, much preciated
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=290086

thnks