Shit...Just Sumthin

How u gon leave me
u suppose to be on stage rappin wit me
know u gon and my mom is hurt
Im spitin this ryhme cause my hart is
hurt
I wanted u to be alive to see me
blow up
know u in da dirt tring to see me blow up
I miss u
so im looking for u
Im at the cematary sipin wit my crew
Im around yo house tryn not to remember u
I got a shirt made
and u one too
and I know u see me turn out great
but I cant see u turn out great
and I cant
cause they threw yo body in a lake
DAME....
cause of u I gotta beat this case

One love R

elevate.

err.. i duno, this wasnt too good. i mean it didnt really even make sence. you say that your at his house tryna forget about him, but yet your at his house? if you were tryna forget about him you wouldnt be there. i cant really say much else cuz ima get a cramp in my hands from typin so damn much stuff that u can improve on. basically jus do everythin your not doing. like more complex vocab, better rhyme schemes - make it more complex, multis, pick a GOOD topic and stick to it. give your peices real names so ppl might actually go in and take a read instead of what it is, cuz alot of ppl can jus tell by tha name that your a newb. but anyways no hate - jus pick ya game up, keep droppin. peace

yea man juss elevate...you gotta use some creativity...stay focuse on your content...make sure everything that you say actually makes sense...dont put nuttin half ass together...no one wants to read that ya know..try writing topical verse's...it'll prolly help you stay on point more with your content...throw some multies in their as well ya know?

1. needz better vocabulary/grammer use
2. needz better flow
3. needz better structure
4. needz 2 come with rhymes n bars


i dont know what the fuck you was tryin to do but this was some bullshit not tryin to hate on you but you can do way better than this shit honestly though