It Wont Be Long For Me

.....cuz these rymes belong to D

Never pay mind to what I hear through the grapevine
cuz people hate minds like mine that stop and take time
to see through the Great Lies into tha snakes eyes
and still make time to shine like rays of daytime
fly like planes, high till my brains fried
no skates, dont need em, me, i strait grind
yall think its play time then come into tha Jungle
on offense i promise you'll run into some trouble
our defense tha heaters, eagles watch over us
the eye of a laser thats a lot closer up
hop off in that water get drowned face down
or eaten alive, we sharks we eat to survive
cant keep us inside it'll make matters worse
one day out here would send Mase back to church
I face facts that hurt, but fuck it i love it
say its All For Somethin cuz its All From Nothin

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...75#post4382475
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...26#post4382526

Strait freestyled, once again

uppin can i get some feedback

Well, yea, I didnt really feel thihs peice. I couldnt grasp what you were trying to get out. At first, I thought it was poetry, but then, it started to fall off as you started talking about gansters and started talking in dialouge. If you say "yo" and dont try to talk in correct grammer, then you probably wont make it very far in the OM community. You can elevate, just read peices from Bounce, thats the definition of dope OM. You need to pic a topic, use vocabulary beond your knowing, and increase your skill as a writer. Like always, flow is usually the strong part to new people of OM's. You had alright structure, but that isnt going to get you far. It does help, but the main point of OM's are to get your point out clear, and as saphisticated as possible, while still being readable. Its an alright drop, just try what I said next time and you'll become a much better writer. Guarenteed. Dont forget to check my new peice, "The Poetic Change".

pz.

Ima freestyle emcee and these posts are just lil keystyle practice type shit

thanks for feed tho uppin

as a freestyle this is OK, anyone whos good at om can write one up give em 3-5 mins. I didn't feel this much you were trying to hard with your multies, but then to really awe a reader you should use more complex multies rather than lies and eye...use words like visions and collisions, fissions and intermissions. It helps
Stay up though and check my OM
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=289261