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victory
this peice is yet to be finished so tell me what you think so far...
An art gallery intoxacated with a theifs theme played as historacal
i represent all elements at a test my own existence is metaphorical
askin me or others if im ready to die that question seems rhetorical
sillouetted in this paragraph is a truth presented as a deep analogy
poetic antics amoungst theatrics with a similar old skool technology
forsaken for the manstream but none will be be needin the apology
only neccessary when the mind is overdosed and can not be fillin
unconciously i blend and shade like eclipses as if to the lords willin
my life is a mic and the beat or dj spins out all of my nervous cells
emptyin out my soul onto the pad or disk as if it were bullet shells
like i said unfinished so tell me what ya think this far
links
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...06#post4376806
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post4376949
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Ok...
First thing:
If you're not done, i wouldn't post it. I'd wait till it was done...But, for the critique:
You started out great, and I really enjoyed your wording and vocab..
An art gallery intoxacated with a theifs theme played as historacal
i represent all elements at a test my own existence is metaphorical
askin me or others if im ready to die that question seems rhetorical
That right there was nice
You had an odd rhyming scheme, but i appreciated it. You could work on in internals, but your flow was pretty good...
Also, you nice metaphors...Nice drop, keep it up...
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that was a pretty decent drop... i liked the imagry, word play was nice, flow coula used some work but it was okay... rhymes were good, i would have liked to c more multis tho, i wish u had finished it before u posted, cuz i'd like to see more length to it and would like 2 c u show off ur skills more.
so all u really have 2 work on is ur multis, but otherwise, it was pretty good
drop some feed in my om in my sig. thanks pc
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