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Lil Suzie
Be
An Ordinary
Man clearly not
An Extraordinary Land
Be
An Ordinary
Man Clearly Not
A Very Extraordinary
Land, walk hand in hand
To future that looks all bland
What is ordinary, for G’s its glocks and AK’s
For Philosophers its how intricate time plays
For Mystics it’s learning Gods ways
For me it’s the ethereal Daze
Time passing in Haze
Being ordinary
But this is about lil Suzie. To ordinary for her own good
Suzie was a young girl 4ft 4” bland hair she kept them with curls
distressing how the story unfurls, like a blossoming bud tossed and hurled
3 years she had been in elementary, atomosphere unfriendly only animosity
Just 20 enemies, black hearted lil kids in bids plotting a new taunt a trick
Came up with the putrid plan to push petrified Suzie in a bush thicket
The wrists bled as she fell into the dead pricks of the plants
Crying for “Mommy” while the other kids laughed and danced
They pranced and poked lil Suzie down the lanes of roads, threw toads
At her feet and face, in disgrace Suzie ran to another place, the chase
Went on and on, then they were gone, same things going on for 3 years long
Now Suzie is left………….. Crying at the gutter
Stutters and slips………….on streams of butter
The Skull painted ……………The grey road red
Now Lil Suzie………….…..in peace and dead
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Up this for some comments
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Damn This Was A Real Deep Piece, I Enjoyed Reading This Fo Real. I All'most Had A Tear In My Eye, Poor Lil Suzie Lol, Nah Bruv On A Serious Note You Oughta Try N' Up Ya Vocab A Lil, If You Had A Lil Stronger Vocab In This Piece It Would Of Been Str8 Up 10-10..but Damn, It Was Still Dope, Keep At It..
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preciate it....this was a 10 min topical battle verse that i thought was aight for OM
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No Bova Bruv, Peep Link In Ma Sig, rtf,..plz..
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I wouldn't really say this is a topical duke more like a poem
You had some great wording and kept really well to topic but
If you have this writen off as a Topical Rap then you are
Lacking flow coz this really doesn't work for me, but as I said
poem yes this is dope...
anyway I've shared my thoughts and I hope you talk this in pz
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If you want me to go over and show you what I mean I can
But given you feed like what I had done I thought it would have
made more than enough sence for you too know what I mean
holla
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Punisher, Look Up My O'm..Its In Ma Sig, Lemme Know Whats Cracking Ite..
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... chat it up in a pm or something...
... but yeah the structure of this was amazing... i thought you brought in a nice abstract view and worked this in very well... i like your style its nice and easy to adapt to and read and take in... great work here i could see you being one of the better writers that is new comming to OM... great work here... poetic... and i cuaght the sense of flow with your language... punisher is a hard critique... good work here...
check out written voices in new crews :P
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aye this was soem hot shit right here you wrote this out as if it was more of a poem though but this shyt was hot to me vocab was tight you used the right words to bring out the subject well and the flow was good to me if it was slightly longer it wouldve been way better but it was hot from what you dropped you brought strong feelings to this drop also
stay up with the good shit
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To the top............BangBang i shot you UP haha
