A Letter From Hell

A letter from hell...

As I watch the mail man approach
I sit with continuous building anxiety
I await my daily mail as chills run inside my body
surprised to see as only one red envelope appeared
the letter felt hot and the address was smeared
as I open it up I see its not my job paying me minimum wage
b’cuz I watch as the heat force the ink to drip down the page
the address states from hell, Is that a real place
never thought I’d see the day were me and satan meet face to face
as I open up the envelope trying hard not to trip
as the red hot envelopes burn stains on my finger tips
as I pull out the letter which I soon realised to be an invitation
despite the writing forms seems to be one of another nation
in hopes of figuring this out, sitting with anxious anticipation
as I site in my office I decrypt this letter very well
after 30 min of reading I realised its an invitation to hell

kinda short but w/e

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=288924
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...88#post4371388

Pretty good-

I think you could have done better but it was too short to really express all your emotion....
I liked your imagery-you could have improved on emotion and complexity but I see pure dopeness from you in the future.....Nice
PS_thanks for feed on my OM

~Grim.

thanks...uppin

Yeah it was short but good maybe u can add a part two because u left us on a cliff hanger. LIke why is he gonig to hell, when, stuff like that would add so much more to this piece. BUt i do like the topic chocie it just need a lil more.

clean.......................nice structure....................no-hate..p-e-a-c-e-............................

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Temp Gurl

Yeah it was short but good maybe u can add a part two because u left us on a cliff hanger. LIke why is he gonig to hell, when, stuff like that would add so much more to this piece. BUt i do like the topic chocie it just need a lil more.

---

i feel you thanks for the feed, uppin

uppin

Mehh...A short piece.

The imagery was good, and the vocab was pretty good, really it just needed to be longer to put more emotion to it.

Overall 5/10...As far as short pieces go.

you know what like here... reading this waws alright but i feel
it wasnt comming across as a rap- but more like a book read
couldnt feel any emotion felt a bit dead, nothing really here to
read where I can just sit back and go wow that line is sick
its just really just another topic where lines arent made into mets
in which truth.. that why this only gets a 6/10 add more mets and
multis in your drop- make it a bit more exciting for the views to read
and yes this could well have happened if you had made the drop longer

just my viewing pz

i liked this, sometimes leavin people wondering makes a piece dope, uum ur structure was ok and ur flow was on and off in some parts but overall i liked it, the only thing i can suggest is to try using more multies, nice drop

the length killed me you had me hooked but as far as this little snippet i saw all the good stuff.... a sequal or collabing this with another even would only make this peace itself flourish even more

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MISTA GRIM

Pretty good-

I think you could have done better but it was too short to really express all your emotion....
I liked your imagery-you could have improved on emotion and complexity but I see pure dopeness from you in the future.....Nice
PS_thanks for feed on my OM

~Grim.

---

couldnt of said it better

Well honestly it was a very slow beginning, but you seemed to pick it up more towards the end. Its a very much done topic and your takes been done time and time before but it wasnt bad. Flow was choppy in areas, a use of more internals would help that. Imagry and emotion were ok but i think woulda been better had this been a longer piece. Work on grabbing your readers attention wait away or else they will wonder. Overall it was ok. just keep writing