5 Seconds to Fame [Hoop Dreams]

Hoop Dreams
Look to the Ceiling for Insperation
Concieling the Situation Remain Patient
Ignorin Coaches Converastion
See 4 This Moment i Been Waitin
Payin Attention to Body Language in Moderation
im Comptemplatin on Takin the Rock Myself
Feelin Like Kobe.. Rarely lookin For my Teamates Help
See Fear is Felt.. and im Confident in my own Confidence
With my Team on my Back.. if i Miss its All Consiquence
Fans look To me in Astonishment
EveryTime i Windmill a Fan Spills his Condements
but Fuck Sponsorships n Whips its Not the Money.. Really
Im a Champion and this is a 3 to 3 series
i See it all Clearly my Defender Definatley Fears Me
ive Been Fryin Em All Game and its my Day Sincerely
See He's Too Near Me.. The Whistle Sound i Spin Around
Catch the Ball Baseline The Pick Left him on the Ground
Silence fills the Gym.. all u hear is Sneaker Sounds
See ima Keep the Crown.. This is why it All Pays Off
Work Hard everyday because its No Days Off
See they Laid Off so They dont Think ima Threat
u see ima Senior with Experience of a Vet
ima Earn My Respect i Spot up and then Set
Let it Go... the Buzzer Sounds... and its All Net
Fans Leavin The Stands Rushin to Touch the Best
Scouters like my Groupies Amazed n all Obsessed
u See i Just smile Cuz this like All the Rest
Slide that Ring on my Finger...
Now Niggas Cant Deny Me... Cuz they All Impressed

uppin

damn i guess niggas not feelin the storytellin.. ima stick to punches an eatin niggas then if thats what niggas want

good flow

This 1 of my fav subjects but you didnt reli portray it in tha right way, no real wordplay or creativty although it was an pretty okay open mic....
nice work jus elevate a lil and try to use metaphors etc to express tha story

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Dukes-A-HaZZaRD

damn i guess niggas not feelin the storytellin.. ima stick to punches an eatin niggas then if thats what niggas want

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nah son do what u do shit was str8 not tha dopest it is good though imagery was there but for this piece u needed ta step it up structure was on point I was able ta spit it ta myself easily so it has flow maybe a lil more creaqtivity could have also helped

This makes me think of R Kelly in "I Believe I Can Fly"
lol, naw its straight for a begginer keep it up tho

LMAO^

ok... i thought this was a decent om, no pushing storyline, with words you can brake phisicz. you told it as a regular basketball game... which i can just see and play to understand... your vocab was decent and your flow was pretty good, i just think you made way too much of a mental connection here instead of an equal physical connection, you told the story. and thats that.

leave feed here
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=288670

good looks yeah this my first shit tryin to tell a story.. im more of a punchline type but i will definatley take all this into consideration next time i tell a story.. appreciate the feed

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