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Hurtful Thoughts
*Story About A Boy*
After i broke up with my girlfriend i could stop thinking about her
I never would think this was something potentially to occur..
Now the hurtful thoughts started toward my mind and started to concur
My friends say suck it up but i beg to defer,now my good memories became a blur
I couldn't bear this transaction of people starting rumors about what happened
People could tell it was true just by the way i was acting and started rapping
My teachers were getting worried because all i did was table tapping..
I was Distracted frantically and my mind was always in another place...
Then I heard my ex moved and vansihed without a trace, she was someone that couldnt be replaced
Good memories erased and bad memories are born and reconized again...
I started feeling depressed and starting smoking pot and sniffing up cocaine
Blew shit up in my backyard using my dad's propane, my behavior was psyco and that i couldn't maintain
I wanted to go out and smoke with friends but now my parents trust wasn't something i could obtain
One night i had a nag for it so i snuck out but got caught by cops and was retained
Sitting there whatching me was my ex, she just stared and never complained...
This was her idea to get me away from her...she wanted me to get fucked up...
Locked up...not knowing where she moved or grasping any information about it
I couldn't deny this crime any possible way, this is a crime i have to live with, something i had committ
It got to addmitt it was a stupid thing to do i should have listened in the firstplace
Today was a special day for my mom and i ruined it, it was her 45th birthday...
Now more hurtful thoughts burnt in his head, twisted in his brain like a hurricane
I felt pain so i started to flip out and everyone whatched me because they were entertained
Hurtful thoughts raced, this boys life was turning into a disaster due to a broken heart
And love that he would love from the start and to the end, put that was torn apart
The End
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this a decent verse homie...i like it its str8 for shore
i like the structre the use of vocab waz allright but *there is alwayz room to elevate as
my teachers* says Lmao
but dope shit homie
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thanks. i appreciate it..uppin^
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wtf?? uppin for feed..leave linkz
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This was a good story told in an explanatory manner. However, I do think that a lot of your lines were a little too long, which at times made it some-what of a struggle to follow, but then again you did have a lot of imagery and detail which added some fluencey to your topic. You are most def a gifted writer with a real knack for expressing your emotions through text. To be honest I couldn't really relate to your content but I could visualize it and understand it...which is to me the real mark of a good emcee. As a whole I'd have to give this piece a solid thumbs up.
Favorite lines:
People could tell it was true just by the way i was acting and started rapping
My teachers were getting worried because all i did was table tapping..
I was Distracted frantically and my mind was always in another place...
Then I heard my ex moved and vansihed without a trace, she was someone that couldnt be replaced
^Those are the lines that really started to draw me in, I specially like the line about table tapping...that was reall discribtive and helped me understand the mood your were trying to create..
Also:
got to addmitt it was a stupid thing to do i should have listened in the firstplace
Today was a special day for my mom and i ruined it, it was her 45th birthday...
^That was your best line in my opinion....everything just seemed to come together right here, the flow, the emotion, just everything....i felt you the most at this point....
props kid
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thanks man..i really appreciate that, that was the best feed i got in the whole time i've been on RB :)
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Now for a real feed giver.lol
The story it's self was great. Very emotional. The flow was masterfull i really liked it. The Worpdlay was great very mature. And the structre was incredible. Felt like i was looking at a real MC'S lyrics.
Keep it up and i'll put this in the HOF Nominations.
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wow.....thanks a lot man...very very much appreciated...
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