bang!bang!

a man before a child paying dues that few can afford
standing hand to sword identifying hues spanning chords
random words gathered in congregational imagery
offending me with the vacant fragrence of my own symmetry
played the market but my interests never took stock in bonds
speaking geometrically - opposing sides will be ate like octagons
combining clocks like using both eyes and hands to wind your watch
but my mind has got the tendency to tend the sheep from behind the flock
clouds lined in chalk denote we wrote epic epitaths for heavens sake
but tears from hell will flood the wells and devistate when the levy breaks
we're like earths insects burning beneath glass that's magnified
syntax is magnetized to tracks by beats and sold as advertised
souls are baptized in tepid baths on behalf of wicked spits
crippling ideas that can't get a leg to stand on or kick it with




http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287499
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=286605

up...

Weird piece man... But I liked it. Very unique and thought provoking. You had a poetic aproach to this deffinately, and it was pulled off nicely. I really liked the way you had subtle yet abrupt wordplay. Meaning, when reading this you wouldn't think much of one of your little plays but when you think about it you're just left with that "wow" factor. Uuuuum, flow between rhymes and content was all very nice, glad to see you understand how to keep transitions between lines smooth rather than stop and go like most newer writers do. Overall, pretty good piece. Nice original concept with a creative aproach... Only thing I is I really would have liked to see more. You only gave us like one verse... Finish that up man.

I'd apreciate it if you could leave feedback on my new Om:
"When the Elephant Walks..."
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287748

Mannnnn... well done. The flow was seriously sick.. as was word choice & imagery. I enjoyed this alot. At first i wasnt really feeling the look of it. It looked like some newbie felt like freestyling.. but then i started reading and was pleasently suprised. Dope.

ya'll better add like 2 lines to this or re structure it so it becomes 16 lines.. or -brix is likely to be harsh and close it.......


word neway. different from ur last piece............
nice flo n multies... wording was dope and presise...........structure was ok and by any means doesnt always matter coz flow is better than form or structure far as i'm concerned.............. original stab at a concept f'sho too.. all sorts of mathematics and shapes going on............... nice wordplays u seemed to flow those naturaly.. all in all nice chapter.. stopped a lil short tho.. in need of at least a few more bars. or perhaps another verse to make it more complete....... nice writtens tho i was feeling the flow it being similar to somke flows of my own.. so yeah this is pretty advanced script


keep em poppin f'sho

1

thanks for the czechs fellas

i liked this it was kinda wierd but that isnt always bad cos it makes poeple think different things anyway ths was nice. good use of multies in there i love to see a verse that has some nice complicated multies well done. when i read the piece it flowed real well and every line was about the same length which is good. Also nice use of vocabulary there which always keeps the reader readin the verse overall really good drop and i think this would go good on an audio especially to like a gritty beat good drop keep it up

peace!

Did any of you noitce the line limit? Ya it was god but theres a 16 line minimum limit. He only has 14.

^damn,looks like its the big house for me

Lol Nah. Just add two more dope lines and no one will notice.

up....

good piece real creative with it.. i hope to see more of it for real...