Split by Liqour

Wrote this awhile ago,any feed is good

my names ty, my dad n best friend used to be the same guy/
he lost his job n for months another one never came by/
i dont undertstand why but our friendship went on stand by/
started breakin promises, why does this man lie?/
alcohol started to own his life, never home at night/
witnessed shit i shudnt have, cudnt condone the fight/
gutless hits and busted lips lead me to rebel/
i wanna grab a knife cut this bitch nd see him in hell/
its crazy how much drama some beers n shots can bring/
the livin rooms a boxing ring, knew of peace n watched it end/
and at school im in trouble daily, dad says its cuz im lazy/
its crazy that the man who didnt take time to raise me/
is criticizin me for not havin responsibitlity /
i stay quite but on the inside its killin me/

my names karren i got a troubled son n his dad aint carein
his dad cant scare him the beatings have no bearing
they used to be friends,gotta be confusin to him
he wants to play catch n his dads boozin again
the alcoholism brought his youth to an end
my son ran away once and im sure hell do it again
he thinks lifes a game n doesnt know whut we play it for
been suspended form school 10times maybe more
i want him to be successful but his grades are poor
now hes drinkin too nd thinks im too dense to see it
tries to hide it but on weekends its less decievin
came home friday night, smelt it when he was speakin, breath was reekin

raised by an alcoholic, the thought shudnt shock ya/
that my new problem doctor is a bottle of vodka/
its like /
alcohol put me in a broken home but now its a new apartment/
n im livin with rum, whiskey, u know, the hard shit/
the stuff that hit me the hardest, regardless/
of whut it did to my dad, im drinkin for fun its harmless/
well thats whut my friends say when im downin it/
never drank til i started hangin around them kids/
now im hiding beer under the bed im restin on/
comin home drunk, i think my moms catchin on/
and my home life is doin more than takin its course/
me n dad r fightin more and he wont let mom get a divorce/
no remorse, all this shit is my dads fault/
it was an open wound,my drinkin was just there to add salt/

i can tell hes drinkin theres no guessin now
look at the way hes actin, theres no question now
alcoholic? my son might be, hes drunk nightly
hes going nowhere, theres no way to say it nicely
sees his dad n the pain he felt, but cant learn a lesson himself
im starting to think he needs professional help
but thats hard to do with his dad causin problems
it just hasnt been the same since ive lost him
married him cuz of our own similaritys, theres none now
i need a way out, im gettin rid of him some how
tried to do it peacefully, but now ima get drastic
if he doesnt dissapear like magic, things are gunna get tragic
i gotta kill em hes really startin to pose a threat
maybe thingsll be better when his souls at rest
maybe i can think clearly when all the noise is finished
hes got a half open bottle of rum, n im puttin poison in it

mom got work, just me n dad, i know we about to fight/
fuck this, im stealin his rum n im goin out tonight/
went over my girls, its just me and her sippin/
we start trippin n not long after she starts twitchin/
she stopped movin, holy shit shes not movin/
damn im blackin out too i needa stop boozin/

! ! ! ! !

Yo homIe.......I honestly loved this shit right here. It spoke to me on a whole presonal level, which I don't wanna get in to right now. I feel so much from your words and your flow is absolutely perfect. I'm shocked at the reality you spit into these bars......Lookin foreward to seeing more of your shit BrA'
If I said any more I'd just be bullshit......this is some of the REALest shit I've ever read

~1~

thanks for the feed, bump

It was a really nice concept home but you have room to elevate.

FLOW
Started off nice but became a bit choppy towards the end. It was decent but watch the stretched lines.

VOCAB
Simple. Better vocab would have added more colour to this piece and the lack of it was a tad dissappointing.

METAPHORS/WORDPLAY
Not to really speak of. This is normally not bad as this is a storytelling piece but wit the length of it, reading it became a bit difficult towards the end as it became a bit repetitive and boring.

COMPLEXITY
You had a complex concept but your piece didn't live up to it and the ending was a bit anti-climatic. While the simplicity made tings easy to read in the first verse (which is my favourite by the way) towards the end it became mundane.

OVERALL
This piece had a lot of potential. Not in any way a bad piece but could be better. Keep dropping man.

Check out mine: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287523

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