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His Vocation
Just a quick 16 i put together.
His Vocation
The alarm cuts through sleep like broken glass
He jerks awake with a cough, chokes and gasps
The digits read 6-0-0, he's still shrouded in darkness
Dull aches, muscles twinges, feeling empty and heartless
Another day on the road for this slave to the flow
Barely time for a cappucino before he's made to go
A black van transports this actor on a 4 hour journey
To the location of the venue for a high power tourney
He stares at a sea of faces riveted to his movements
Making notes of his improvements and where his groove went
Adrenalin kicks in, fatigue is washed away
He'll collapse from exhaustion one time, but it's not today
Cheers and screams greet his entrance, the beat evaporates
He fires lines out accapella with heat that activates
The crowds brain matter quakes, the sound shatters the fake
This is life of a touring performer, trapped in his fate
I'll put the links up a little later.
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i like the internals in this... i thhougt it was really easy to follow... not long and byt the time you where really starting to build up an atmosphere i thought you ended it... but what can you ask for??? at least the short build up was good... nice imagery here... i could see it at some points very well... great work here for not dropping in so long :P
keep er up bro.
if yah need to leave some feed checky my newest.
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this was a very nice peice....it had good vocab,the imagery you had in this peice was very good reagrdless of the length...I loved to story line but felt that when I was really getting into it and ready to read more it ended,the peice in itself was very good,but the abrubt ending disappointed me a bit.
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Johnny this was a nice short verse...you had me wanting to keep reading on to see how this guy was gonna go about his day....i like how this was nice and short and your were able to pack all the detail you needed in there....your imagery was on point and you used wonderful vocab....
Cheers and screams greet his entrance, the beat evaporates
He fires lines out accapella with heat that activates
^that line i liked because you could have just said it like:
Cheers and screams say greet me at the door, the beat is gone
He speaks lines out loud with out having a beat to go along with his song
^but instead of saying like that you got creative and used better wording and vocab
but yeh this was real nice Johnny, keep it up
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This was real nice johnny...i was feelin it all the way..nice topic pretty different..this was pretty short but really enjoyabke to read..excellent flow....nice internals...excellent multies....imagery was here man...and overall this was a very good/nice peice..keep it up..
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pretty good piece here johnny. Ive seen much better from you before but for a quick 16 this wasnt bad. Flow was pretty much easy throughtout the piece a few spots seemed forced and other spots semed like internals woulda helped. Emotion i woulda liked to see more of but imagry was pretty good.
overall not bad but not your best
please leave feed here, thank you
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=285566
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I like how its short and sweet doesn;t leave u hangin
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Okay this was short but very descriptive and imagery filled, the first line of 'cuts through sleep' was excellantly presented and really gave of a great start, very vivid and imaginative, the structure was very good, well thought out... the flow was very creative and kept me interested throu-out the read... your vocabulary was well placed also not too over done, which to me ruins a piece totally, you kept that in exactly the right places, well done for that... I really enjoyed the read, well done.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=285683
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I don't know what a multi is. And my feedback is worse than a coma victim trying to type.
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This was a very nice 16 linr johnny, still i wish it was longer. Anyway you have still got your strong vocab i see, and the piece in general kept me reading with good wordplay and a solid structure, good one
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yea johnny i liked this piece, bit short, could of done with being longer but it got across what you wanted anyway, good vocab and imagery, a soild structure and the last line is what made this stand out, it was a niece lil closer, overall decent piece, although ive seen better from you..
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yo 16's on here were dope bruh. i was feelin everything about this piece. if this is a quick 16 then i would hate to see a well thought out 16 cuz that would be killah. but one thing i thought u could have done better was nothing really becuz it was all solid. and i have one question how do u just get people to vote.
