Unwanted

Information:
The Us is trying to pass a bill that prevents people from outside the us to crossover and if you get pulled over they have the right to ask for yuor green card also if your parents are imigrants and you were bron here you are still considered an imigrant adn you wont be an american citizen




Unwanted


Did anything they could to crossover..the attempt was carnage
But can you blame them?coming from a country thats garbage
The Mexican goverment dosnt do shit for the people you see
So crossing the border is the only way I can help my family
I only have 1 chance pay $500 to ride in the back of a truck
But can you blame Me? My life in mexico is hard and it sucks
Im in the border i wanna cry but i know that i really cant
I am so scared to get caught..That i nearly peid on my pants
The cops tells the driver go ahead you dumb piece of shit
So at that moment i knew i had passed.....i finally made it
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I have newhere to go have to deal with racism..it is strange
I finally get a job..working in a company for minimum Wage
Trying to get a house but i know if i do i cant afford rent
So i have to work really hard just to get a shitty appartment
Send money to my family sol they can pay for theyre health care
And by sending money to mex. like evryone else im there welfair
I have to work hard day i day night i cant afford to the bad
I have to do it for my family im the only oiportunity they have
I make houses for a living..then go to the corner and sell wieners
Then evry 5 minutes i hear somebody call me a wetback and beener
I make theyre housed while they insult us they treat me like a server
But its quite stupid becaus mexicans are americas hardest workers
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My people have been in america for over 200 years..its over now
Because the American goverment is tired and wants us out
I think its stupid this law they are making is stupid and gay
How mexicans have to go but..Asians and chinesse can stay
We join USA army for the country we come to we fucking bleed
Then they dont even say thanks they just say bitch leave
We are the hardest workers..we work in the famrs and mills
We do all the dirty jobs for america and they want us to leave still
We wrok hard day in day night while evryone else treats us like shit
Then they want us to leave..think about it..is it really worth it?
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You cans top this madeness..this stupid joke
all you have to do is get out..people vote






http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...38#post4186638
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...58#post4186658

Well, dude, I've read this twice now and what still stands out for me is your emotion. Seems like this piece came straight from the heart, and that was your niggest trait. I still think you need to learn the basics, i.e. internals, multi's etc. Also try to work on making for more interesting wording. Try and be polysyllabic rather than just resorting to one syllable words. Read the tutorial that is at the top of the Open Mic page. For the content itself, I can't really have a BIG opinion on it because I'm English and don't really see the ins and outs of the prejudism thats on Mexicans. Anyways, on the overall, this was a good piece. Keep writing.

Ok this was an intimate piece i've read about what they're trying to do and i think that's wrong...... but this is a very heartfelt piece and i think it was excellent.... i cant really say anything because im dominican and i cant speak for whats happening with the mexican nation but all that aside this was excellent keep it up papo nice drop

This was average. Vocab can be better. The emotion and imagery was good though. You had many misspelling errors so look over that to correct them. The topic was good and I know about that bill in Congress sayin its a felony for an illegal immigrant to be in this country. Its stupid, and I like these protests goin on. I am with you 100% on this issue of what you display. But as far as you have ya piece, the structure was good. Nice set up, but keep writin and puttin ya emotion in ya pieces.

wasn't really feeling this as an up to standard piece. Just because you make a piece look good also, doesn't mean your feed will be amazingly great. But you had something here. I like reading about true things and current events, which is what you wrote on. I even watched stuff about this for the last week or so. Although you had some fantastic points and things in here ..some people will obviously DISAGREE with your topic. which is why picking your topics better is a good thing too. You need to make attention grabbers and shit so that ALL people want to read your writing. I'm not going to sit here and comment on your actual piece because it's something you already heard above my post ..but start picking more emotional topics and bigger attention grabbers ..good luck

!Nash ..
hit the bottom link in the sig ..

you explained what you felt.. which matters the most. Try to keep the same rhyme pattern going the whole time. and yeah, people will disagree, but you made some points in there which is good. Try to go into more detail and be a lil more clever like
"Im in the border i wanna cry but i know that i really cant
I am so scared to get caught..That i nearly peid on my pants"

lines like that could be a said in more of a.. serious way, I dunno. I'm not saying all this "vocab" bullshit, just make it sound more like you mean it.