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My Crazy Mind
My Crazy Mind
As i'm all alone in this dark corner I think of my mental state
My conscience poisons my mind,I am slowley loosing faith
Wht is right with me?I am belemic down to scitsophrenic,
My nerves severly paining just like a troubled neurasthenic
But this corner will stay dark and my path looks like death
Then again downing a box of anti-depresives what do you expect
My life is crumbleing apart,nothing for me ever goes right
This tunnel will always stay dark,there will be no light
My soul burns with fire and my body withers away
What is happening to me?I am 22 and my hair starts to go gray
But how can I get out of this mental hibernation
My life is in ruins I am just a troubled caucasion
What happens next is to hard to comprehend
Even when life is at a high it will always take a bend
All it takes is the slightest harsh proceedings
It will shatter your feelings and restart the mental bleeding
This corner is getting darker and soon it will all be black
And I will play no part in this life,I will never come back
But I must pick myself up and end this depression,
The easy way outa life will not be an exception
I will stay strong and end my mental molestation
I will think for myself and end the fustration
Finally,I am relieved as I see the light peer in
My life turns in the right direction and my happy life begins
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pretty simple... miced up emotions get sorted out... but still anice view anyway... at least it wasent grimey street style topical...
good work on the content... but the story.../persons mind could have had a better twist at the end.. instead of the cliche kind of see the light approach...
good work here... nice structure... not bad all aorund coverd the basics quite well... ill keep an eye on you... ;)
peace.
if you got extra time:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=280058
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yup it was a nice vocab and flow ....keep it up
can you leave feed on eternal love plz thx
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k anyways, i liked it, nice structure, flow, rhymes, nice vocabs, keep it up man
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Thanks Twixn for the good feed
uppin for some more
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simple a bit, long and a bit stretched----sorry for the short feed man just not much to say.......pretty decent just work on vocab and complexity
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ohh--if u get a chance check one of ma links
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iight people lets drop feedback plz
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this was tight my nigga, i was feelin the way you was using ur words and shit
i thought it was complex it looked like u really got into it dawg
keep doing ya thang, u good at this rap shit, one problem tho
the way u typed it made it seem like a poem, maybe u should format it different
good work my dude,
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^yo bro it wasnt that good it took me 15 mins but tanx for feedback
uppin
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Come on people jus a lil more feedback plz
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truthfully im tired of reading peices like this...i mean
everyone has their own way / poit of view, which is why im
commenting...
you had good structure, you pretty much covered all the
basics, you could of used more creativity.imagiry, to
twist it up a little if you know what i mean...other
then that you flowed well and got straight to the point..
ending could of been a little better though or different
cause once i got into reading it i kind of predicted a
different ending, good job though, keep it up
