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Two Cups of Tea
Two Cups of Tea
By M.G
Through the murky window my eyes search, yearn for attention
I’m on the outside looking in, befriended retention
In confinement I sit, betwixt a wit’s kindred dimension
Every sight I behold is cold, my life has no notable meaning
With all my inequities I’m incomplete, this feat is demeaning
I’m digressing more and more each day, I seldom hear a word
While my thinking is progressing beneath the day’s decay, escape absurd
I’m past the point of no return, word of my family’s seldom heard
Everyday I get minimum contact over raggedy speaker systems
Though my chances slim, I force a grin, hope is my conviction
I never leave my room though no movement, my body desires activity
My fire once was strong a-blaze, but now only a flame lives in me
My strength may be meager due to lack of stimulation
But my knowledge is a sharpened shank, hardened through tribulation
My notebooks are filled with my thought’s build up, words of every sort
It’s an abstract puzzle, random sayings, thoughts, and what I remember of sports
Every three days I decode this puzzle to uncover a solution
An odd story, filled with gory details of plains failed and hell’s retribution
My only link to my formidable past is two bags of Lemon Tea
Before I was admitted through my girl Joanna, that tea was given to me
Finally I reached my wits end ready to submit
This bed, this room, this whole life I wish to acquit
I gather my materials to cause a suspenseful death
I jot my final comments, speak through my pen’s pensive breath
As I secured the noose and said my final prayer to the G-O-D
Hopefully, he’ll remember me and let me have a peaceful day of tea
As I closed my eyes, I came to realize, I was at the foot of a lemon tree
Joanna was there with me with two cups of tea, and I was injury free
I stare to the heavens and ask why I was saved
Thank You for the two cups of tea is all I could say
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links are coming at the moment
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wow that was kinda tiight. I liked the whole concept of this, but i feel you could've grasped your shit a little better than you really did. Your vocab was off the charts yet again but don't get too into it. simplicity is a good style as well. I love that you're experimenting with this new type of shit, and keep doing your thing, but the ending of this stoyrline seemed so fast. I dunno. This makes you think ..did the guy commit suicide? Did he climb down? Did he go to heaven? Because committing suicide is a sin and you'd go to hell for it.. I mean you've got to THINK about your storyline .. TELL people what happened! be emotional! Making the people guess about what happened is more along the lines of poetic pieces ..not OM. I loved what you did here though, so keep up the good work.
!Nash
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werd up nash---thanks as usual for the nice feed
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Didn't know what to expect here... But this was nice.. Definately... The vocabulary was perfect for the approach you took.. I was impressed, overall. You exhibited a good skill.. Good story writing.. It was a nice break from the monotonous pieces popping up. Unfortunately, I think a lot of the Victorian English used here will fly over heads... You might get some mixed reactions.. However, I really liked it. The ending was slightly confusing though?
Nice work..
Check out http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=280034
Peace
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i thought this was pretty decent. i liked the whole escape from life theme, and the use of tea as a symbol for a more peaceful existence was quite cool, although it seemed a little random, but maybe i just struggled to grasp exactly why you chose tea and what it was representing. at first i thought i was going to dislike it a lot, purely because you opened with excessive vocab and it seemed pretentious (mainly because of the word 'betwixt'. sorry but that seemed really unnecessarily showy and wordy to me). after that however you calmed down and focussed on your narrative with much more clarity. overall pretty nice, good job.
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thanks phly and all other feeder lets gett some more
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nice shit homie..i like the Vocab you put in here.. Good Shit
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This was a great read for me. You chose a great use of words, and your vocab was amazing. The way you worded it really kept me interested. It was a great storyline, and it was very captivating. Probably my favorite parts was : My strength may be meager due to lack of stimulation
But my knowledge is a sharpened shank, hardened through tribulation
My notebooks are filled with my thought’s build up, words of every sort
It’s an abstract puzzle, random sayings, thoughts, and what I remember of sports
Every three days I decode this puzzle to uncover a solution
An odd story, filled with gory details of plains failed and hell’s retribution.
Great read, keep it up. 9/10....
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at first i was like this gonna be some mary poppins shyt but then i read your post and i was like whoa! vocabulary was outstanding dawg real talk ........concept had me wonderin at the end though what happened next .......but i understand that u want your readers to use their imagination ....overall nice drop.
